Observing Merlin
by ForIHaveOvercomeTheWorld
Summary: A series of semi-related oneshots all centering around the theme that Arthur notices something new about Merlin. First one: Arthur discovers why Merlin hates hunting. This whole fic will have bromance, some whump, reveal of many things, no slash.
1. Why He Hates Hunting

So, for any of you following my "Gathering clouds" story then this is the new fic I was talking about. Yay! I managed to get it done finally.

For those of you who haven't read my profile you may want to know what this is actually about. This story is going to be a series of semi-related oneshots all with the theme in mind that Arthur sees or observes something about Merlin that he never knew before. This is basically the lord of all reveal fics without actually revealing Merlin's magic, though, I believe I may do that at some point. The ideas and settings for each chapter in this story shall vary. Sometimes it will be an episode tag, other times it will simply take place in-between episodes. They won't just involve Merlin and Arthur. We shall have Gaius and Gwen and Gwaine (all the Gs apparently) as well as any other characters that fit. But the main focus of this story will be our two favorite dysfunctional buddies. This shall have a lot of bromance, whump, and hopefully some comedic elements, but no slash whatsoever. Friendship only.

I shall give a brief summary of what each oneshot is about at the a/n at the beginning and I shall also tell when it takes place seeing as that will change. Some of these will be purely from one POV while others shall alternate between many, so really this series is going to be all over the place. Anyway, on to the first installment, one I have been thinking about for months and months.

Why He Hates Hunting: Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine go on a hunting trip and Arthur overhears Merlin telling Gwaine the true reason behind his dislike of hunting. Will this new information change the way Arthur treats Merlin? This takes place sometimes within series four, but only events from the first couple of episodes are mentioned.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin and I shall never claim to._

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><p>Arthur relaxed for perhaps the first time in months. Gwaine had just taken over watch and Arthur was now nice and warm and already starting to fall asleep where he lay. He had been right to do this, it was what he needed. Ever since his father had died things had been so stressful and hectic. There never seemed to be a moment when Arthur got to stop and just be himself.<p>

After everything that had happened with the Dorocha and Lancelot dying and his own father dying—even after Arthur had resorted to magic to save him—and having this kingship thrust upon him when he didn't feel ready, Arthur sometimes felt like falling apart. Probably the only thing that had kept him sane through all the odd regulations and ceremonies he had to go through now as king, not to mention the stress and pain of losing Uther, was Merlin, as strange as that was. Arthur had often found himself being comforted or advised by his weird manservant when he needed it most…and all that without asking for once. Merlin almost seemed to know what was going through his master's mind and when he really needed to be lifted up. Arthur had often wondered how Merlin could be so intuitive for being such an idiot.

But despite all of Merlin's help Arthur had started feeling too overwhelmed to put up with it any longer. He had decided to go on an old fashioned hunt like he used to with Merlin back before he had so many responsibilities, but considering that he was now the king he couldn't go on a hunt alone. It didn't matter that Arthur was the most skilled fighter in Camelot; he couldn't leave the castle without having several men following him. Arthur had ended up having a fight with his councilors and personal guards about it since he knew that he would never be able to relax if there was a bunch of people around that he had to act all regal for. Arthur was going to burst if he did not let off some steam and soon things were going to get very nasty, but somehow Arthur didn't think that telling them that was going to have much effect on his councilors.

But then Gwaine had shown up out of the blue and had stated that he was going to be traveling and protecting his king and that surely both of them together would be more than capable of taking care of themselves a few miles away from the castle. Though all of Arthur's knights were skilled in their own ways, Gwaine was arguably the most skilled next to Arthur himself and more than equal to any guard or bandit. The knowledge that he was going with had eased everyone's worries since they really couldn't find someone better to protect their king and so they had stopped fighting it. It had been the first time in his life that Arthur had been truly glad to have Gwaine going along with him to something.

He and Gwaine, (and Merlin obviously), had set out the next day for the hunt and everything had seemed to be going perfectly since. Even Merlin hadn't been as bumbling and loud as usual and Arthur had caught several animals in the first few hours alone.

And now as Arthur was falling asleep he felt like it was the perfect end to a perfect day. But just as he was about to nod off he heard the beginnings of a conversation that for some reason he was keen to listen to.

"Thank you, Gwaine," Arthur heard Merlin say, "I owe you one."

"Nah," the knight replied, "you don't owe me anything. I was just glad to help. Besides, it's in all of our best interests to keep Arthur from losing his precious temper."

"Yeah, well, I know that he's been needing this for a while," Merlin answered.

Arthur felt himself begin to fully wake up. What he was hearing was definitely worth listening to.

"I just hope that he shows a little gratitude once this vacation is over," Gwaine said in that slightly-bitter but really good-natured tone of his.

"I'm sure that you can get Arthur to thank you, Gwaine," Merlin said with a smile in his voice.

"I wasn't talking about me," Gwaine said fervently, "I was talking about you. After all, you're the one that came to me and asked if I would go on a hunting trip with you and Arthur. You organized this whole thing and you deserve some thanks for it."

Those words felt a like a jolt to Arthur's system. _Merlin planning a hunting trip in order to give me a break?_ Arthur never thought that he'd live to see the day when Merlin would actually _want_ to go hunting. And the idea that Merlin had noticed his agitation and had decided to do something like this for him caused an odd feeling to swell within Arthur's chest. It wasn't a feeling he had never felt before, but whenever it did appear it always surprised him. If Arthur had to name the feeling he would say that it was…fondness.

"I don't need any," Merlin said in reply.

"I know," Gwaine said, "which is why I still think that Arthur doesn't deserve your friendship. None of us do. I mean, you cannot imagine how surprised I was when you suggested this, doing something that you hate for a prat who's been taking his anger out on you."

"I don't like hunting, but that doesn't mean I hate it, Gwaine," Merlin placated. "I'm not about to begrudge Arthur a chance to relax. I know why he likes hunting so much. He lets his instincts take over—he doesn't think, he just does. That gives him an opportunity to sort things out in his mind, think things over. Hunting comes naturally to him and when he does it he doesn't have to pretend. When he hunts he's free.

"I may scare off some animals now and again, but never when Arthur needs it. As much as I don't like hunting, I'm glad that it provides Arthur with an escape. Everyone needs that at some point, especially him after all that's happened this year."

"Well, it is very kind of you to do it just the same. Hey," he exclaimed as if he had just realized something, "why do you dislike hunting anyway? After all, I doubt if you really hated hunting you would actually go along with Arthur, and yet you seem very insistent upon expressing your distaste for it."

Now this _really _caught Arthur's attention. He had been wondering the answer to that question for years and maybe now he'd finally have it. He turned his head just slightly so he could hear better and listened in closely.

Merlin chuckled humorlessly. "It's kind of a long story."

"Do you see me going anywhere, Merlin? I'm pretty sure we have the time," Gwaine said.

Merlin sighed. "It's really not that important. It's actually kind of stupid, really."

_Why am I not surprised?_ Arthur thought.

"Come on, Merlin, look at me. Do you think that I honestly care whether or not it's a little silly?" Gwaine scoffed. "You overestimate me, my friend."

Arthur wanted to chime in at that.

"All right, all right," Merlin conceded, "I'll tell you it. But I should warn you, it's not exactly pleasant." He exhaled slowly and there was silence for a few moments. "I guess that there are several reasons, really. The first is rather simple, I just don't like the idea of killing innocent animals for fun, nor do I understand the appeal. Arthur's kills have no effect on whether or not he starves, so I don't see the point."

"Yeah," Gwaine said, "I thought it might be something like that. Your heart is too kind and loving. Only you, Merlin, would feel sad at the death of an animal. And sometimes I don't understand that, but then I see all the pain and hate and battles in this world and I can't help but wonder if we'd all be better off if we valued life as much as you do."

Gwaine's words stirred something in Arthur. Maybe the drunk was right; perhaps if they all showed a little bit more respect for life in general then maybe the world would be a better, a different place. It was definitely an intriguing idea.

"And what's the other reason?" Gwaine asked.

"The other reason is more complicated," Merlin answered slowly. "As you know, I grew up in Ealdor, which isn't a very wealthy village. Sometimes in order to have something for supper people would have to go in the nearby woods and hunt, myself included."

Arthur heard Gwaine snort slightly in amusement and he agreed with the knight. The idea of Merlin hunting, actually _killing_ animals didn't quite seem right.

Apparently Merlin had had some sort of expression on his face because Gwaine offered a contrite, "Sorry, it's just hard to imagine you killing."

There was a strange and almost painful silence there for a moment and Arthur got the distinct impression that he was missing something. He really wished that he could see Merlin's face because, judging by the quiet, there was a reason the boy had fallen silent, but then after a still moment or two Merlin went on with his tale.

"However, in our town there was one man who never seemed to be in need of food. Or at the very least, he never showed it. He was an old man who lived alone. All his family and friends were long since dead and he kept to himself, so we also left him alone.

"One day the man went out hunting and came back with a few kills. It was a little bit odd because we had never seen him hunt before, but for the most part I and the rest of the villagers just shrugged it off. That is, we did until he began to do some even stranger things.

"The old man hung the dead carcasses on one of his trees and left them there. The next morning everyone would leave their house and when we glanced his way the killings were still there. Those animals stayed there, on the tree, for a whole week. Every day they would begin to smell more and more flies would come to eat what they could. It was disgusting. None of us could understand why the old man would go to all the trouble to hunt but then _not_ eat the animals. It was definitely strange.

"It wasn't until one week later that the old man removed the dead bodies, but only to be replaced with two new kills.

"This went on for a month. Once a week he would go out and kill another two animals and he would hang them on that same old tree and take down the old ones. Before long we all realized that he never planned on eating them and that he wasn't going to use their fur. He was killing just for the sake of killing. So one day, a couple of the more daring boys in town went and grabbed the newest victims and ran back home with them. There were days when having enough food wasn't always a possibility and so the whole village agreed that they would use the old man's kills to feed those in need.

"For months and months we kept stealing the animals as soon as he disappeared from sight and the old man never seemed to notice. He never got angry and he never even seemed to care. So we kept on taking them. After a while, though, the old man began to bring back larger and larger animals, and more of them, too. It was almost as if he was getting dissatisfied with it."

Arthur heard Merlin pause for a beat here and take a long, deep breath. Apparently the worst was just around the corner.

"But the bigger the kills the more people could eat, so we didn't complain. One morning; however, when the whole village gathered to see what the old man had caught that day…instead of seeing deer or pheasants or even a bear…he had hanging from his tree…two little children."

Arthur heard Gwaine gasp and it took all of his restraint not to do the same. He couldn't believe it! Revulsion twisted in Arthur's gut and he felt like he might be sick. Children. Cute, innocent, harmless children. There weren't words to describe Arthur's horror.

"His two newest victims were some of the most pure and loving children in the town." Arthur could tell that Merlin was beginning to cry slightly. "They were twins, brother and sister. Everyone knew them, they had such kind hearts. They never cried or complained and they found joy and beauty in everything. I hadn't known them very well, but I had seen them and I knew their parents. It was devastating to everyone.

"The mother and father wanted to murder the old man, but the village voted and some of the more able-bodied men managed to chain him up and they took him to be tried by Uther seeing as how none of us really believed that we had the right to decide his fate."

Something sparked in Arthur. He dimly remembered a child-killer being brought from a distant village to have his father deal with him. Needless to say Uther had been more than willing to hand out the punishment to such a monster.

"And ever since that day," Merlin continued, "I have hated hunting. Not just because it reminds me of that man or the pain he put those poor parents through, but because it scares me."

This shocked Arthur. Though his ego told him that Merlin was easily scared, Arthur never actually believed it. He had seen his servant face all sorts of things, often without so much as blinking an eye, so he knew that he was strong. During the time when the Dorocha had been attacking Arthur had even admitted that he might be more terrified than Merlin. The boy just had a type of courage and endurance and hope that Arthur had never truly learned how to possess—imitate maybe, but never possess. And so the idea of Merlin being scared really just didn't make sense.

"That man started out killing animals just for fun, and then he ended by murdering innocent kids. It's one thing to kill if you need the food to survive or someone else does, but to kill just because you can…I know that Arthur would never turn into that, but part of me still sees those children every time that he crows over killing something. I can't help but think that _that's_ how it began."

"Merlin, I—" Gwaine began but Merlin cut him off.

"But it's not even that so much anymore. Logically I realize that that is never going to happen, Arthur is a better man than that. Do you think I'd be still sticking around if he wasn't? And over the years I managed to put that aside. The biggest reason, I suppose, that I always try to ruin Arthur's hunts and I moan and groan about them…is that I feel like I have to."

_What? _Arthur thought.

"If I don't protest about it, if I don't hate it as much as I can…then I might be like him. I might become like that monster. He started by killing mindless animals, but it wasn't enough for him. I-I'm afraid that I might turn into him if I stop fighting hunting, if I stop trying to ruin it. And that scares me. So I always try to hate it as much as possible so that I will _never_ turn into _that._"

Arthur gaped. Merlin had been right, it _was _stupid. The very idea that Merlin could ever become like that, that he would ever kill simply because he was bored was ridiculous! Merlin was not a murder, especially not of kids, and could _never_ be one. That he would even think such a thing was ludicrous.

But Merlin somehow thought he was capable of it. It took a moment but that thought sunk in and Arthur realized what it meant. Ever since the day those children had been killed Merlin must have been carrying this burden, carrying the fear that he was a monster. Arthur felt a pang of sympathy hit his heart as he realized how much how that idea would have been hurting Merlin all of these years. Merlin could face any kind of fearsome creature, but even the tiniest doubt that he might be capable of causing that kind of pain could very well kill him.

"No!" Gwaine exclaimed, "Merlin, no. That is not you, _that_ will never be you! Whether you like hunting or not you could never become that. You are so much better, Merlin." There was a sound of movement and Arthur guessed that Gwaine had grabbed Merlin's shoulders. "Listen to me, you have the kindest, purest, most loving and most selfless heart I have _ever_ seen and _nothing_ can take that away from you. I have seen all types of monsters, human and magical, and you are the farthest thing from them. The very fact that this has been plaguing you for so long proves how loving your heart is. I know you would rather die than hurt anyone innocent. So don't you _dare_ believe that you are a monster. That could never happen."

There was a little more silence and then, "I have killed before, Gwaine. And every time I do I can feel the blood on my hands. It's like their deaths are burned into my soul and I can never forget them. Sometimes I feel like a monster."

"Well, that's normal, Merlin, even good, to feel that way after killing. If you can kill without letting it get to you at all then I might be worried, because that's the first step to becoming a murderer. But all these people, Merlin, you only ever killed because you had to, which means that you are not a killer."

"Maybe," Merlin agreed.

The two of them stopped talking for a while and all Arthur could hear was the crackling fire and the sounds of wildlife in the woods.

"So…" Gwaine said at last, "that is the reason why you sabotage Arthur's hunting." It wasn't a question.

"Well," Merlin replied, "there are a few tiny others, but yes, that is the main reason."

"Have you ever told Arthur?" Gwaine inquired.

"He never asked."

Arthur felt a stab of guilt hit him. All this time he had been forcing Merlin to go with him on these hunts, to do the very thing that he feared, and he had never even once properly asked Merlin why he didn't like it.

"It depends on how he asked it," Merlin answered. "Though, even if he did I'm not sure I would tell him."

Those last words felt like a blow to Arthur. Did Merlin not trust him enough to tell him? Or was it something else, something worse?

"Oh, why is that?"

"Because," Merlin replied, "he loves hunting, I don't want to take that away from him. If I told him that story it could ruin the sport for him forever. Like I said, this is Arthur's escape and he deserves it. As much as I don't like it I'm glad he does and I'm glad that he doesn't let that change him. So perhaps, if he asked, I might lie because I don't know if I have the heart to take this from him. Being king is a very difficult and stressful job; he doesn't need yet something else stolen from him."

The pain and even anger that Arthur was feel mere seconds before vanished to be replaced with a warm feeling in his gut. Sometimes Arthur couldn't believe the depth of his servant's loyalty to him and he knew that he didn't deserve it.

"Not to mention," Gwaine said, humor in his voice, "you'd hate it if Arthur went on a hunting trip without you."

"Of course," Merlin replied, the laughter and joy returning to his tone, too. "Look at him, Arthur would be lost without me."

Gwaine chuckled. "Honestly, I don't know why you stay with him."

"Do you believe in destiny, Gwaine?" Merlin asked.

_What? _Arthur thought with surprise.

"I don't know, I've never really thought about it. What, you think you're destined to be Arthur's servant for the rest of your life? I can't imagine a worse fate." Arthur had to restrain a scowl at that.

"Maybe. All I know is that before I came to Camelot I felt lost and alone and afraid of myself, but now I have family and friends and I'm far too busy to ever be lonely. Maybe it's destiny, maybe it's not. But I know that I'm happier here than I ever was in Ealdor," Merlin answered simply.

"And we're happy to have you, mate. After all, you're the only one who can keep Arthur in line, keep him from being too much of a prat."

Arthur couldn't help but smile at that, though really he should be worried that Merlin was being a bad influence on Gwaine.

"Yep," Merlin agreed, "that's my job, which includes planning sudden hunting trips just when he needs it."

"You really are a good friend, Merlin," Gwaine said seriously, "he's lucky to have you."

_Yes I am_, Arthur thought.

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><p>It wasn't until four months later that Merlin brought up a topic that Arthur had been very keen to avoid.<p>

"Hey," Merlin said as Arthur ate his breakfast, "you haven't gone hunting or even mentioned it in a while. Why?" he asked as he straightened some of Arthur's things.

Arthur paused mid-chew and remembered that he had known that his servant would probably bring it up at some point. He finished chewing then said, "Yeah, well, I haven't been in the mood for it lately. Why, do you want to go?" he asked mockingly.

"Me? Never. I hate hunting. I've just learned to be suspicious whenever you act strangely, Arthur, it never bodes well." Merlin began making the bed.

Arthur winced at the reminder. "Well, I've been busy what with running the kingdom and all. Besides, if I need an escape I can always just spar with you for a couple of hours. That usually makes me feel better." Arthur smirked at Merlin's horrified face.

"Oh, yes," Merlin said sarcastically, "a great deal of bodily harm always makes me feel better, too."

Arthur turned to leave his room, clapping Merlin on the shoulder as he did so. "I'm glad we agree, Merlin."

Once Arthur made it out into the hall he sighed. He didn't want Merlin to know that he was purposely avoiding hunting for his sake. After all, it wouldn't do well to be seen caring about the boy.

Arthur straightened his clothes a little and began striding confidently down the corridor. No, Arthur wouldn't make Merlin go hunting any more than necessary to keep up the charade. _And_ he wouldn't beat the tar out of Merlin in training, either. Ever since Arthur had heard Merlin's story and had learned of the sacrifice the boy was making for him by arranging the emergency hunting trip things had changed. Whenever he got antsy and felt the need to get away he would just think of Merlin and his loyalty and what hunting reminded him of and he suddenly no longer wanted to leave.

Merlin had put up with a lot of discomfort for his sake time and time again. Now it was time for Arthur to return the favor.

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><p>*paces back and forth nervously* So? Did you like it? I realize that it was mostly dialogue, but it really had to be that way. Don't worry, most of these oneshots shall contain many more descriptions. Personally, I found it interesting to try to write decently without having the advantage of saying what expression someone had on their face or the movements they were making. I wouldn't want to do it all the time, but it was interesting to try and hopefully I won't have to do it for a while 'cause it's rather exhausting. I hope that despite some of the oddness you liked it.<p>

Just so you all know the updates for this will be sporadic at best, meaning that I have no idea when the next one is coming. Therefore, this may be a story that you'd want to put on alert. Please review with feedback and any and all questions you may have.


	2. How Far He Would Go

Right then, second one-shot. I must say that I am flattered at everyone's lovely response, especially considering how that wasn't the easiest story to read since it didn't have a lot of descriptions. There was less to feed the imagination. Hopefully this one is better.

How Far He Would Go: Someone comes and visits Merlin and Arthur hears a surprising story. After the story Arthur begins to realize some very interesting and dangerous things about Merlin. This knowledge will definitely effect their future. This takes place sometime after season four in the as yet un-aired season five.

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><p>"Merlin, it's just a scratch. I've had far worse, I don't need Gaius to examine it," Arthur exclaimed but did not try to keep Merlin from pulling him along the corridors and hallways leading to Gaius chambers.<p>

"You're the king, Arthur, no matter how minor the injury it should be checked out. And if you're foolish enough to continue training the knights _on top_ of all of your other duties than the least we can do is make sure you're in perfect health for it," Merlin answered without looking back at the grumbling royal.

"You know, Merlin," Arthur said a bit prattishly, "if you are so keen on helping me then maybe you could bring me my food on time for once or maybe spend a little less time at the tavern. That would be of far more use to me than having Gaius stare at a tiny scratch for a couple of minutes then tell me it's fine, because it is."

Merlin stopped in front of a very familiar door and turned back to Arthur. "We're already here so you might as well stop whining and get it over with. Besides, I think anything that's soaked through half your sleeve is more than a scratch, _sire,_"

Arthur scowled at Merlin's mocking use of his title and was about to make a jibe of his own when the door was pulled open to reveal Gaius on the other side.

"Oh! Merlin," the physician exclaimed, "I was just about to look for you."

"Why?" Merlin asked worriedly, "Is something wrong?"

The old man smiled and Arthur noticed a light appear in his eyes that he had never seen before. "Not exactly," he replied and then stepped away from the door.

Arthur's head turned sharply as he heard Merlin's gasp and it took him a moment to comprehend what he was seeing. There, standing in the middle of the room was someone that Arthur had only seen a few times, but had already grown fond of.

"Mother?" Merlin asked as if he couldn't believe his own eyes.

Hunith smiled and held her arms out. "Merlin!"

Merlin ran forward, joyfully crying, "Mother!" The two of them met half way and practically threw themselves into an embrace.

Arthur was content to lean back and watch from the sidelines and mother and son reunited again. The two finally pulled away and Arthur could see pure joy written all over Merlin's face. Arthur had seen Merlin happy plenty of times, in fact, he trouble thinking of more than a handful of times when he wasn't happy. Even when he complained about some chore that Arthur gave him he still had that glint of joy in his eyes.

But looking at him now the joy seemed different, more complete. It was almost as if having his mother here filled up an empty space in his heart and now he was whole.

It warmed Arthur's heart to see his servant so happy and for a couple of moments he completely forgot about the throbbing pain in his arm or the fact that he and Merlin were 'supposed' to be arguing.

"Merlin, I've missed you so much, you have no idea," Hunith said as she looked her boy over, insuring for herself that nothing was wrong with him. All mothers have a tendency to worry.

"I think I have a pretty good idea," Merlin replied and Arthur couldn't help but wonder how he could speak with such a wide grin splitting his face. "It's so good to see you!" Merlin beamed and Arthur could swear that he was radiating light.

Suddenly Merlin frown slightly and he began to search his mother with his gaze. "But why are you here? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?" Merlin's features became serious and Arthur saw a glimpse of something he had only seen a few times, the first one being when Hunith had come to Camelot all those years ago.

It was a kind of fierce protectiveness and anger, but not at her, at anyone who _dared_ to hurt her. Arthur couldn't help the shiver that ran down his back and he got the distinct feeling that when Merlin had that look in his eyes whoever was on the receiving end of it would soon find themselves in great pain. It was hard for Arthur to imagine Merlin hurting anyone, but with that anger in his eyes Arthur knew that he was more than capable of it.

Understanding quickly dawned on Hunith's face and a little bit of guilt appeared. She was swift to assure him. "Oh, no, nothing like that. I didn't mean to worry you; I merely wanted to see my son, who hasn't gone to see his mother in a very long time!" Her face was covered in mock anger and she seemed to be guilt-tripping him, which, unfortunately, it was very easy to do with Merlin.

Merlin immediately looked contrite. "I'm sorry, mother; I know I should visit more often." He ducked his head in shame.

"I understand," Hunith said reassuringly, "you are very busy here. And your work is important."

"Oh, yeah," Merlin scoffed, "washing Arthur's socks is very important. The kingdom would fall if they stayed dirty for too long!"

Arthur scowled and wanted to reply, but thought better of it, he wasn't really a part of this conversation.

Hunith smacked him lightly and harmlessly on his arm. "I didn't just mean that," she chuckled, "but the other work you do."

Arthur was briefly confused as to what she meant and because of that he missed the look of panic that crossed Merlin's face.

"I just meant," Hunith said calmly and deliberately while looking into Merlin's eyes, "that you have a lot of friends here," she shifted her gaze upon Arthur and Gaius for a moment and smiled, "and I know from experience how great a comfort it is to have you nearby. A shoulder to cry on. If there's anything you're good at, my son, it's being a wonderful friend." She smiled that sweet, motherly smile of hers.

Merlin seemed to glow at his mother's praise and grinned back.

Arthur's first instinct; however, was to laugh at that idea. But when he thought about it he realized Hunith was right. On more than one occasion Arthur could think of when Merlin had been the perfect friend to him or someone else. Sometimes those acts of friendship would be as simple as listening to a friend's worries, or as drastic as putting himself in harm's way for a friend. Arthur shuddered once more at the memory of _that_ particular event. That was not something that should ever have happened.

Mother and son turned away from each other and Hunith went over to Arthur. "It's good to see you again as well, sire," she said and began to curtsy.

Arthur waved his hand and said, "No, Hunith, no need. It's good to see you, too." Arthur smiled warmly. It didn't seem right to have Merlin's mother call him sire or bow to him, Arthur felt that in some ways they were closer than that.

Hunith looked like she was about to say something when he eyes landed on his arm. "What's wrong with your arm?" she gasped.

Gaius' head swiveled around and zeroed in on the offensive wound. "It looks bad, Arthur," the old man said as he walked over and inspected it. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Arthur fumbled for words for a moment. "I guess I forgot." Arthur's eyes found Merlin's and the boy smirked at him, apparently he was glad that Gaius had sided with him on the whole 'bad, not bad' issue.

The manservant grabbed a box from a corner of the room that seemed to hold a lot of Gaius' medical supplies and then brought them to the table that the physician had been steering Arthur and Hunith toward. "Because Arthur can't train his knights as much as he used to, he pushes them extra hard when he does. Apparently the hard work is paying off because when Arthur was fighting with four of them today one of them managed to clip his arm."

Arthur sat down to the table and prepared himself for the inevitable poking and prodding that no doubt would soon follow. "They are improving," he stated as he gazed appreciatively at the throbbing wound.

"Well," said Gaius as Arthur winced from a particularly painful prod from him, "it's not too deep, but you'll probably have to lay off of the training for a little while. They shall just have to get along without you, sire."

"Well, I wouldn't worry," Merlin pitched in, grinning as his hand absent-mindedly traced some of the various cuts and nicks in the wood of the table. "No doubt they will actually do better without your instruction for a little while."

Arthur's face became hard. "Oh, and why is that, Merlin?" he asked, already preparing several insults in the back of his brain.

"Firstly," Merlin replied in a tone that almost always preceded an insult or a jibe, "it will probably be easier on them if they don't have to stare at your scary and ugly face. It must be hard to concentrate on following orders if you're the one giving them," Arthur scowled and picked out his comeback, but Merlin continued before he could use it. "But mostly because the knight that wounded you is most likely more than a little frightened right about now."

That last bit confused Arthur. "Why would he be frightened? And _don't_ say because of my face."

"_Because, _Arthur," Merlin answered in a slightly patronizing tone, "you're the king, now. He wounded his king, albeit accidentally and during a tough training, but it's still not something that a knight every wants to do. You have to remember, Arthur, that not everyone is as immune to your temper as I am. Hurting you, however lightly, must have made him pretty nervous.

"You, Arthur, see his being able to even touch you as a welcome sign of improvement, but he sees it as injuring the man he's supposed to protect.

"I tried to tell him before we left that he did very well and he was to be proud of himself, but I don't know if he took it to heart."

Arthur was surprised. He had never really seen it that way before. If what Merlin said was true then he would have to be sure to encourage and congratulate the knight next time he saw him, hopefully negating any of his worries or fears. Arthur looked up thoughtfully at his manservant and said simply, "Thank you, Merlin." Then, after a pause. "Because you showed that you actually pay attention to _some_ things around here, I'll let your lie about my looks pass." He smirked playfully at the boy.

Arthur realized that Gaius had stopped tending to his arm and he looked up at the physician. He saw a look of pride on Gaius' face and it was clearly directed at Merlin. Arthur swiveled his head and saw that Hunith's face across from him mirrored the old man's pride. Merlin; however, was completely oblivious to the affection in the eyes of his mother and his mentor and was, instead, staring as some of the interesting designs of the wood grain.

Suddenly Merlin's stomach rumbled and the odd moment was broken and Gaius cracked a smile as Merlin gave a sheepish one. "Don't worry, my boy," Gaius said, "When I'm finished with Arthur's arm so I can get on to making supper, which will be good since you haven't been eating enough lately as it is."

Arthur completely missed the worried look that crossed over Hunith's face or Gaius' reassuring but grim answering look. And he totally missed the old and weary expression claimed Merlin's face as he morphed from the innocent, young boy to the tired fighter who had seen too many battles and lost too many loved ones. That gaze from Merlin told it all, that he hadn't been neglecting food out of carelessness or forgetfulness as he was sometimes inclined to do. No, the past couple of years, especially the most recent one with Morgana and Uther's death, had been hard and unrelenting in its cruelty. Some days there just hadn't been enough time to eat.

No, Arthur missed all of that short exchange as he was thinking of how he had really come to love Merlin's mother even though he hadn't seen her much. She was just so kind and loving and sweet and Arthur liked to think that his mother had been that way. Truthfully, Arthur felt like Hunith was family just as Gaius and Merlin were. Eventually, Arthur broke out of his thoughts and looked up at his friends.

Merlin looked pleased at the news of food and for a few moments there was blissful silence until the manservant's face abruptly lit up. "Mother, I have something for you, a gift." He practically jumped to his feet. "Only, I'm not entirely sure where it is so I might have to search for it a bit." He dashed for his room and Arthur couldn't help thinking that he hadn't seen Merlin this energetic in over a year.

As Arthur watched him disappear into his room he couldn't help but think that it would be pretty entertaining to witness Merlin half tear apart his room in search for whatever it was he had gotten his mother. Obviously Gaius and Hunith had the same thought, for, as one, they got up and made their way to Merlin's messy room.

Clothes were strewn all over his floor and Merlin was currently sifting through them. Arthur lent back against the frame of the door and watched as Merlin moved from searching his clothes to digging through some of his cabinets and drawers. Merlin's movements were so scattered and hectic that if it had been anyone else Arthur would have been afraid that they were having a seizure or something. But as it was Arthur could see that there was _some sort of_ pattern and logic to the odd way Merlin canvassed his room. Still, though, it was rather funny to watch him begin to bend down to search something only to reconsider half way through and shoot back up again and search some sort of crevice in his wall. Yes, definitely amusing.

Finally, Merlin found whatever it was he was looking for in the back of a drawer and he whooped triumphantly. Arthur started to grin at the childish noise but then stopped himself. When was the last time he had heard Merlin make such an innocent sound of joy? When the manservant had first come to Camelot he was very much a boy, taking pleasure in the tiniest of things and was quick to forgive and move on from anything that _did_ happen.

But this energy that Arthur saw now, the childish happiness that was so pure and innocent, this was something that he hadn't seen in ages. Merlin's ability to find joy in the smallest of things seemed to have disappeared as of late and he had become darker, sadder, less likely to burst into a grin.

And it was only now that Arthur witnessed the happiness of old that Arthur realized exactly how much Merlin had changed…but into what?

Merlin sprinted over to them and pulled them all over to sit on his bed. He said to his mother, "So, the other day I saw this in the market place and I immediately thought of you. You always did like things that lit up." Merlin smiled got the feeling that the last bit had been some sort of inside joke.

Merlin held out his hand and dropped whatever was in it into his mother's open palm.

Hunith gasped and Arthur had to keep himself from doing the same as they all saw Merlin's gift. On an intricate silver chain was a crystal shaped like a star. It was incredibly beautiful for a crystal and it seemed to sparkle with light. Arthur couldn't believe that Merlin could afford something like this, or if he could why he wouldn't spend the money on some more useful things that he obviously needed judging by the state of his room.

"Oh, my boy," Hunith said fondly, looking up at her son with wet eyes, "it's beautiful. But why? Surely it must have cost a lot," she asked concernedly.

Merlin shrugged his shoulders. "Not really. Not for me anyway. I rarely ever spend the wages I get from serving Arthur on anything worth more than a few coins, so I actually have a fair amount saved up. Besides, it's not like it's a diamond, it's just crystal."

"But still," Hunith said in awe, "I didn't think you could have much money left since you send me so much every month." She gazed at her son questioningly.

Arthur was surprised. He never really thought to ask what Merlin did with his wages, though in retrospect he really should've because it was painfully obvious that the boy wasn't spending on his clothes. The ones he currently had were just as shabby as ever. He'd always assumed that Merlin used it on whatever it was that kept him constantly late to work or something. Possibly trips to the tavern. But he had never even considered that Merlin sent money to his mother, though, now that he did it made perfect sense. It was just the sort of thing that Merlin _would_ do.

"Remember, Mother," Merlin answered kindly, "what is a lot of money to people from Ealdor isn't that much for people in Camelot. Our needs are basic in Ealdor and we grow most of our own food, but the people here don't—can't. Here," Merlin held out his hand, "let me put it on you."

She let him and once Merlin clasped it around her neck he lent back to take a look. It seemed as if it was made for her. It was just right; it didn't outshine her or look out of place, instead the simple yet beautiful necklace complemented her. Its beauty seemed to meld with her own and become one. It seemed almost as if it had always meant to be there.

Gaius smiled. "You look amazing, Hunith. It fits you perfectly." Arthur nodded in agreement, but then jerked slightly as Gaius continued his work on his arm.

"Yes, it does," Merlin agreed, and, if possible, his face lit up even more. "But that's not even the best part of this gift. Come over here." Merlin led his mother by the hand and brought her over into the yellow light form one of his windows.

The crystal seemed to almost suck in the light as it shined brighter and brighter. Then the light began to get reflected outward again but this time in a slightly different form. In a corner of the room, where the crystal was casting its light, a sparkling shape began to form, the form of a regal deer, proud and mighty.

Hunith gasped again. "Merlin! How?"

Merlin smiled sheepishly. "The man I bought it from said that at different times of the day the light it casts takes the shapes of different animals and even a few flowers. He said that it all depends on the time of day and which way you're facing, but you're almost always guaranteed to see something if there's light. He said that it's almost magical."

Hunith smiled in delight and Arthur thought that in that moment she looked years younger. She drew Merlin into a hug. "It's beautiful, Merlin, thank you so much."

The two of them pulled apart and went back to sit on Merlin's lumpy bed. For a little while there was silence, with Hunith every now and then glancing at her necklace and admiring it. Arthur realized that this was possibly one of the few times he had actually heard Merlin stay silent by choice. But then again, perhaps Merlin's mother just provoked strange reactions in people. Arthur, for instance, found that he was perfectly fine with having next to no attention on him. It certainly wasn't normal for _him_ to be the one on the sidelines, but in this case he didn't actually mind it. It was rather interesting just to watch Merlin.

"So, has everything been all right in Ealdor?" Merlin asked eventually when he seemed to emerge from whatever thoughts he was having.

Hunith winced slightly at the question, which was odd, but then answered. "Uh, yes, for the most part everything is the same as when you left, Merlin. Except…" she trailed off.

"Except what?" Merlin asked curiously when it seemed like his mother wasn't going to finish her sentence.

Hunith sighed resignedly. "I didn't mean to tell you, but…the Henderson family came through town a week ago."

Merlin sucked in a big breath of air and in his peripheral vision Arthur could see Gaius stiffen. Arthur was confused. Whoever this Henderson family was he had no idea and he was definitely out of the loop.

Merlin, unlike his mother and mentor, didn't tense up at all; he merely seemed to take the news in as he would anything else. He nodded his head thoughtfully. "And this is the first time since—"

"Yes," Hunith cut him off by answering, "it is."

Merlin peered intently at his mother and seemed to be reading her expression. "And how is James?"

His mother actually seemed to do a double take. "I…I'm not sure. I came to see you shortly after they arrived in town. But what little I saw of him he seemed to be good, healthy."

Merlin nodded his head once more and a faint smile graced his lips. "That's good. I never knew what happened to him. It's good to know that he's fine."

Arthur was starting to get annoyed now. He was really missing a lot and he didn't like the feeling, but at the same time he knew that this wasn't something he should just barge his way into. He and Gaius were on the sidelines and they had very little say in anything that went on between Merlin and his mother. So the only way Arthur could learn what they were talking about would be to analyze everything they said and did very carefully. Currently, both Hunith and Gaius were looking slightly shocked at Merlin's words, yet they didn't say anything.

Silence reigned again, but this time it was a far less comfortable silence. Finally, though, Gaius seemed to finish up on Arthur's arm and the king actually felt a bit better now that all the poking and prodding was done.

"There you go, sire," Gaius said, "your arm should be fine, just no training for a little while. And I should change the bandages at least once a day." He turned to Merlin and Hunith—Merlin seemed lost in thought while Hunith seemed to be lost in an unpleasant memory— "I can start making supper, now."

Hunith's face brightened as an idea sprung in her mind. "Merlin, why don't you cook for us? I haven't had your soup in ages. I've tried recreating it but it's never as good as yours. I miss your soup, and you." She rubbed his arm lovingly.

Merlin sighed good-naturedly. "All right, but I don't think Gaius has everything in, so I'll have to get them from the kitchens." He looked at each of them in turn. "No swapping stupid and funny stories about me while I'm gone."

Arthur smirked. "All right, we can do that _while_ we're eating. I'm sure I have plenty of stories your mother would just _love_ to hear."

Merlin scowled and then ran out of the room and into the next one and then out that door.

"Is his soup really that good?" Arthur asked.

Gaius and Hunith nodded emphatically. "It is," Gaius answered. "It's rare that I've tasted something better than his soup."

"I'm a little ashamed to admit that it's one of the things I miss most with him gone," Hunith confessed.

Arthur grinned. "I bet that getting peace and quiet for once is nice, though."

Hunith smiled in return. "Well, I am his mother; I had plenty of years to get used to his chatter. Besides, I've learned that when it comes to Merlin silence is usually a bad omen."

Arthur couldn't argue with that. If Merlin was ever silent it usually meant that something had happened to the boy, or worse…he was actually _thinking_.

Arthur caught Gaius throwing Hunith a look and the king could tell that there was something the two wished to speak about, and it didn't take a genius to guess what. "You know," Arthur began slowly, "I realize that it's none of my business and that you have no obligation to tell me whatsoever, but I can't help wondering exactly what happened with this…James?" Arthur wasn't going to try to force the information out, even though he was dying to, because in his own way he respected Hunith far too much for that.

Hunith sighed and looked at him almost fondly and rather sadly, too. "Well, after everything you heard you might as well know. This particular event—or events as I should say—taught me a valuable lesson about my son that you might want to learn if you already haven't. I'll tell the story, but I warn you, it isn't pleasant and to this day I…can't help but shudder when I think about it."

Arthur briefly considered taking back his request, but no matter how awful it was he still wanted to know.

"When Merlin was a young boy," Hunith began, looking down at her entwined hands, "he was a rather lonely child. All the adults in the town thought he was funny and kind, but the kids his age just thought he was strange and they kept their distance from him. Merlin was very lonely and he kept to himself since no one wanted to be around him. That is, he did until the day he met Will. The two of them formed a bond instantly. It was practically impossible to separate them." She smiled at the memory and Arthur felt something that might be a…pang of jealousy?

"In a way they complemented each other. Evened out each other's rough patches and kept the other from doing anything too stupid. They had a friendship that anyone in their right mind would envy…which was the problem." Hunith looked up and met Arthur's eyes and the king could see that this story was hurting her.

"There was a family of traders that passed through our town back then. They were nice people; they didn't overcharge us and rarely ever haggled. They understood that we were a small community and didn't have much. They had a son that was perhaps a few years older than Merlin, who was ten at the time, maybe nine. And this boy hated Merlin and Will, especially when he saw their friendship in action."

Arthur felt a small shiver travel down his spine. This story was obviously leading nowhere good.

"From what I've gathered I know that one day this boy, James, saw Merlin and Will playing together, no doubt witnessing the beautiful friendship they had. Now, James was a large and strong boy, he was used to lifting heavy objects and such for his family when they traded. And when he saw Merlin go off somewhere, leaving Will alone, James went over to Will and began to hit him. Hard." Hunith's eyes were beginning to dampen.

"When Merlin returned he saw his best friend in the whole world, the only kid who didn't treat him like a freak, being beaten and he naturally stepped in. He pulled James off of Will and told him to stop, to leave him alone. As you can imagine James didn't take very well to that." Hunith's voice broke here and Gaius put a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"Merlin got Will home safely and he might have thought that that was the end of it. But the next day James found him alone and started b-beating him." Hunith had to stop here and draw in a huge breath. It was obvious that she was having trouble holding it together. "When Merlin came home that day he didn't tell me what had happened, he hid the bruises. And that happened every day for the next week until James and his family left town, and I never knew."

Guilt was plain in Hunith's eyes and Arthur felt his heart go out to her. This was not something a mother should ever have to go through, and, to be honest, this story was making his gut clench and an odd anger to boil up inside of him.

"But it didn't stop there," Hunith continued, hardly even trying to keep her emotions in check anymore. "The next time his family stopped in town he would seek Merlin out and beat him again, and every time that he did it got a little bit worse. You see, Merlin didn't put up a fight, he didn't yell or scream or plead for him to stop. He didn't so much as glare at the boy, even though he could have done much worse. I know it may be hard to imagine, but growing up Merlin was more than capable of defending himself, he probably could have ended the beatings if he had tried. But he didn't. It went on for six months, with the family sometimes staying for as long as three weeks when they passed through. And I never even suspected."

Tears were streaming down Hunith's face, now, but Arthur still had to ask. "If the beatings kept getting worse, surely you would have seen something, some sort of sign?" Arthur needed to understand why this had happened. Already in his mind he was seeing flashes of red and ideas of planning on teaching this kid a lesson. This was a whole lot worse than anything he could have imagined. Merlin being abused like that, and on such a constant basis, too. The very idea caused Arthur to feel sick and made him wish he had a sword in his hand to swing at something.

Arthur saw, if possible, even more guilt poor into Hunith's eyes. "There were signs. Sometimes he would have bruises on his face, or wince unexpectedly, or even be walking with a slight limp. Of course I would ask what was wrong and Merlin would tell me that he and Will had pulled some sort of stupid stunt or he had fallen and sprained his ankle. I shouldn't have believed it, but the sad truth was that Merlin was very accident prone as a kid and it wasn't too uncommon to see him sporting some sort of minor injury, especially after he met Will. Naturally, that still didn't mean that I liked it, but other than scolding him and telling him to be more careful there wasn't much I could do. I saw how good Will was for Merlin, and vice versa, I couldn't very well break up their friendship. Besides, when Merlin was with Will it seemed like he couldn't feel any pain. Little did I know that these new injuries were not only not from stunts with Will, but also far more extensive."

She gazed seriously at Arthur. "You have no idea how good Merlin is at hiding his pain. Even as a toddler he never cried from pain. So I didn't truly suspect anything, but I wish I had. But that's still no excuse.

"Like I said, it went on for six months, and during that time no one knew that Merlin was…was being beaten so badly. And it _was_ bad, it got really bad. It only stopped when one day Will stepped in on James beating Merlin. Will got so angry and his anger made him so powerful that he went as far as to knock James unconscious. Then he brought Merlin to me. I was the closest thing the town had to a healer, so I knew what to do.

"When Will left I asked Merlin why he had let it happen, why he hadn't told me, and how long it had been going on." Hunith broke off in a sob, here. "I couldn't believe what he told me. He said he hadn't told me because Will had begged him not to. He told how it had started with Will being beaten up just that once and how after it had happened the boy had asked Merlin not to tell anyone. Will had just lost his father at that time and the last thing he wanted was to let anyone see him as weak. In fact, Merlin was the only person he'd ever open up to, the only one he'd let see even a hint of any form of weakness. He said that he didn't want to risk breaking that promise."

Arthur stared, dumbfounded. He would go through all that for a promise?

"But he said that that wasn't the only reason. He also was afraid that by pulling himself out of James' line of fire he'd merely go back to hurting Will, and Merlin wouldn't allow that.

"And when I asked him why he didn't defend himself, do you know what he told me? He said that he didn't want to hurt James."

Arthur felt himself do a mental double-take. Merlin had been beaten and abused for six months and he didn't try to help himself because he didn't want to hurt the boy that was causing all his pain? There weren't words to describe how shocked Arthur was.

"I asked him why that was," Hunith continued, her tears finally beginning to slow down some, "and he said that he pitied James. He said that he knew how he felt and he was sorry for him. He said to me, 'mother, I know how it feels to have no friends. To be on the outside looking in at what you can't have and desperately want…it's enough to make anyone angry. Seeing me and Will together having fun must have been maddening.'

"And Merlin was right. James and his family traveled all around, never staying in one place long enough for him to make friends. He was someone who got to observe normal life every day, but was constantly kept from it. Merlin empathized with him, understood his pain and why he had to inflict it on others, and that's why he didn't left even a finger to defend himself." Hunith paused for a moment. She exhaled heavily and Arthur could tell that the worst was over.

"Naturally I talked to James' parents and they were immediately horrified at what their son had done. They were good people and they decided that they would no longer trade with us so that we wouldn't have to be reminded of James had done anymore. They promised to send other traders they knew to us and then left. They haven't so much as stepped a foot in Ealdor since about a week ago."

Hunith laughed breathily. "That's the real reason I came to visit, James was with them and every time I saw him I couldn't help but see what he did to my son. I needed to get away and be with Merlin. I kept seeing that last beating he gave to him…you have no idea how bad it was. Almost all of his ribs were broken and there was hardly an inch of skin on him that wasn't a deep shade of blue and black." Arthur sucked in a breath at that. The description alone was enough to make him want to rip someone's throat out.

"I guess I learned something very important about my son that day." Hunith continued. "Merlin is incredibly good at keeping secrets. He hates lying, but he's good at hiding things. But the only reason he excels at it is because he has a very good reason. If Merlin is keeping his silence about something then you can be sure it's for someone's own good. Pain doesn't matter to Merlin when it comes to protecting his friends. He'd endure anything for them," Hunith finished. She looked up at Arthur. "Remember that."

Arthur was speechless. He had no idea what to say, but thankfully he was saved from having to since just at that moment Merlin backed through the door carrying several trays that were holding steaming bowls of soup.

Everyone straightened up and tried to pretend like everything was fine. Arthur saw concern flash on Merlin's face for a second when he looked at his mother and the king could guess why. There were clear signs on Hunith's face that she had been crying and no amount of good acting would be able to hide that. But comprehension seemed to dawn on Merlin's face as he swiftly glanced around the room at all the stunned and shocked faces. His features immediately brightened and he plopped down on the bed with everyone else. Apparently he had no intention of mentioning what he had noticed, and Arthur could tell that his mother was grateful for that.

"Here," Merlin said as he handed a bowl to his mother, "one bowl of my famous soup. Careful, it's still really hot." He handed out the other dishes.

Arthur tentatively tasted it, fully prepared for it to be some sort of vile concoction, but he was oh so wrong. The soup was amazing! In all his years of being served the best food in the world nothing could even begin to compare to the thousand or so different flavors exploding on his tongue. "Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed, "This is wonderful!" Then he caught himself. "I mean good, it's good."

Merlin just grinned knowingly, almost making Arthur wish he'd never said anything.

"He's right, Merlin, this is amazing," Gaius complemented. "You should make this more often."

"I'd forgotten how good this was. I've missed this," Hunith said, smiling at her son, who was glowing from the praise. She seemed to be recovering from her previous emotions. "I've missed you."

Merlin grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, but you probably haven't missed worrying about me."

Hunith put her hand in her son's hair, stroking it fondly in a way that only a mother could get away with. "I'm your mother; I always worry about you, no matter where you are." She smiled sadly. "It doesn't help that you are one of those people who doesn't like to run from trouble."

Merlin stared at his mother with a serious expression in his eyes. "They are times when you can't run, you have to stand. I can't run from everything, mother, even if it's safer that way. If you run too far then you lose sight of what matters to you most."

Arthur was surprised as he always was when Merlin displayed his special brand of wisdom. There was actually a lot of truth to his words.

"You always were wise for your age, Merlin," his mother said affectionately.

"And yet, somehow, you're still an idiot," Arthur chimed in, grinning prattishly at his servant and trying to get the image of a bleeding Merlin out of his head.

Merlin scowled. "Nobody's perfect," he retorted, but his eyes twinkled with mirth.

_No_, Arthur thought, _nobody is. _But if Arthur had to say who was the closest Merlin would definitely be high on the list. After hearing this story as well as the one on the hunting trip about four months ago, not to mention the _event_ that had occurred before that, he was starting to realize that Merlin was a far better man than anybody gave him credit for.

"Hey, Merlin?" Arthur asked absentmindedly as he took another big bite, "Have you made this soup before? It tastes familiar."

Merlin seemed surprised that Arthur had noticed. "Uh, yeah. I often make this when we're on a quest or a hunting trip. But I don't have nearly all the ingredients I need, so it's usually nowhere near as good. Still, though, I make do with what I've got." There almost seemed to be a double meaning behind his words.

So that's why Arthur felt like he had tasted it before, but it still was different. Arthur finished up his bowl and sighed. "I've got some duties to attend to," he said as he began to get up, wishing he didn't have to.

"Oh, no. Arthur, please stay," Hunith asked, sounding disappointed that he was leaving.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Arthur replied, genuinely sad that he had to go. "I promise to drop by later." And with that Arthur left, but not before he stole one last glance at Merlin. To look at him now, so happy with his mother, no one would ever think that he had gone through something so horrible was he was just a boy. Or that he was so strong. Though he had been reluctant to admit it, Arthur knew now, especially considering what had happened a few months ago, that Merlin _was_ strong. He might not be able to swing a sword to save his life, but he did have a kind of strength in him, and only now was Arthur beginning to realize how destructive that strength was.

Merlin greatest strength was also his strongest weakness. He would do _anything_ for the people he loved. His loyalty knew no bounds. And that gave him the power to do things and _endure _things that would be impossible for others. But in the process he often got hurt. Arthur had tried to deny what had been staring him in the face ever since that awful event, but he couldn't anymore.

Hunith was right; he had learned a valuable lesson from her story. Merlin needed help, he needed protection. He needed to be saved…from himself. How far he would go…just wasn't even worth thinking about.

Arthur was starting to see a new side of Merlin, one he may have always known was there, but had merely pretended not to. Truth was…Arthur was scared for Merlin because the boy was dangerous to himself and anyone who dared hurt his friends.

The only reason James had been let go was because Merlin had empathized with him. But Arthur knew that Merlin wouldn't forgive everybody…he'd seen it. That _look_ in Merlin's eyes when…Arthur couldn't help but shudder at the memory.

It was becoming clearer and clearer to Arthur that there were people who wanted to hurt Merlin, as crazy as that might seem, and he was beginning to realize that he would have to protect Merlin not only from them, but also from himself.

As Arthur entered his room and slowly closed the door behind him he felt a chill creep up his spine. There had only been a few times in his life when he had been scared for Merlin and they were usually short lived. The boy almost always seemed to get better right away. But right now he was scared, and he wasn't entirely sure why. He could feel it…something is coming…and whatever it was it is coming for Merlin.

"_You have no idea how good Merlin is at hiding his pain."_

"_Merlin is incredibly good at keeping secrets."_

"_Remember that."_

Arthur plopped down on his bed. Yes, there was no doubt about it. He was going to have to keep a closer eye on Merlin. Make sure that nothing like what had happened to him as a kid would ever happen again. And perhaps just as important…find out more about him. Because it was getting painfully obvious that he didn't know Merlin as well as he thought he did.

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><p>Okay, I've got to say that I thought that that was a pretty epic ending to the chapter. Just sayin'. Now, I'm sure it's glaringly obvious to most of you that I was hinting at some event throughout the entire chapter, not to mention that I briefly brought it up in the last one, and so I'm going to explain a little bit. Originally this fic was supposed to just be a stream of random oneshots about Arthur observing Merlin, but now I've decided to make it more. While that basic idea will still apply, this will no longer be plot-less as a whole. I'm going to have a underlying story arc that I'm still shaping in my head throughout these chapters. The <em>event<em> that I mentioned over and over in this chapter is going to be very crucial to this story arc, and has already happened to our characters, but I haven't written yet. Eventually you all will know what I'm talking about, for now, though, you just have to let my tiny hints drive you insane. Fun, right? Anyway, I shall keep referencing various important things to this plot, so keep an eye out for that. Also, the previous one-shot was supposed to take place in the fourth season, but for timeline reasons it now officially takes place after the fourth season.

Please review and tell me what you think. And yes, I realize that this is officially the third time I've written about various traumatic things that have happened in Merlin's past. I'm sorry if it's getting old, I just really enjoy doing it. Oh, I this may be a two-shot, just so you know. I'm thinking about bringing James in the next chapter so that we can see more of what happened. If you like this idea please tell me and if you any other ideas for one-shots that you'd like me to use then feel free to share. Just remember that I don't do slash or future fics. Bye now!


	3. Friendship and Forgiveness

Here it is, the long awaited sequel to the previous chapter. Basically this continues directly where the last one left off. This chapter is a bit of a repeat of some of the ideas that I presented in the last chapter, but hopefully it still sparks your interest. If nothing else this has helped me to figure out my overall plot for this originally plotless collection of oneshots. Though, I suppose this is now a twoshot.

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><p>Merlin smiled as he watched his mother laugh and smile as she talked with Gaius. Few things made the warlock happier than seeing his mother happy. Arthur had left, saying that he had duties to attend to, a few hours ago and while Merlin had enjoyed seeing Arthur so at ease, the odd and calculating looks the king had been throwing his way had been a bit unnerving.<p>

It didn't take a genius to figure out what the three of them had been talking about while he had been making the soup. Under normal circumstances he had no problem with his mother telling anyone that story—it was a thing of his past and it had stopped bothering him years ago—but hearing the story had caused the usually oblivious Arthur to start noticing a few things, and Merlin wasn't sure if that was a good thing. The last thing he wanted was for Arthur to actually pay attention and then Merlin would have to be even more careful with his magic, which could end up getting Arthur killed.

As much as Merlin hated lying to Arthur and sometimes got fed up with his obliviousness to almost everything of importance, he hated the idea of Arthur getting hurt more.

Merlin's eyes drifted back to the necklace he had given his mother. Because of Arthur's presence he had been unable to tell the whole truth about the crystal, but he had tried to get the whole point across nonetheless. Yes, Merlin had bought the crystal, but it hadn't been capable of casting images of different animals. That had been a clever spell he had cooked up. Later he would have to be sure to tell his mother that at noon, when the sun was at the highest point in the sky, the crystal would cast the shape of a dragon flying. No doubt she would like that.

Sighing in contentment, Merlin walked away, leaving his mother and his guardian to talk alone. He could see the need for it in their eyes. Hunith would tell Gaius all the fears and worries that had been plaguing her during her son's absence and in return Gaius would explain in detail every event and circumstance. Really, both of them were his parents, and as such they needed to worry and fret. And Merlin wouldn't be surprised if Gaius even took some pleasure in telling his mother of all the trouble he had gotten into since the last time they talked.

Of course, Merlin knew that with every passing year the parental talks grew more and more serious and worrisome. Every year things got worse. More people died, Merlin had to make harder and harder decisions, and he lost more of himself in the process. Even now, happier than he had been in a long time, Merlin felt so different from the person he had been when he had first arrived in Camelot. He had changed much and he wasn't sure if it was for the better.

It was his mother and Gaius' job to worry about him, always had been, but now every year there were more and more things to be worried about. Merlin desperately wanted to comfort his mother and the man who was like a father to him, but he knew that nothing he could ever say would alleviate their pain. They both had to stand by and watch him try to fulfill his destiny and stumble through so many mistakes.

Merlin had known ever since he was a young child that his magic was unique to others and it was his and his alone to control. When it came down to it he was the only one who could make some many of the decisions that came his way these days and he would also be the only one responsible for their consequences. And his mother and Gaius could simply just stand by and watch unable to change and often affect any of the horrible things that came his way in life. It was hard enough having what felt like the weight of the world on his shoulders, but Merlin couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to witness everything and be powerless to change it. Merlin knew he didn't have that kind of strength.

And he hated it; Merlin hated the stress and pain that the life he was leading was causing the ones he loved, but there was nothing he could do. He would never leave or stop protecting Arthur and he would continue to follow his conscience and do what is right to the best of his ability. But the consequences of the dangerous life that he led were that there was often a great deal of pain that came with it. Merlin could deal with the pain himself, but Gaius and his mother suffering just by watching his pain was something that broke his heart. But there was nothing he could do. This life; protecting Arthur and using his magic to hopefully one day bring about Albion, was the path he had chosen and he wasn't going to look back. He only wished that people didn't have to suffer because of it.

Merlin rubbed a spot over his right eye, a spot that often ached when his thoughts became tied up in knots like they were now, and resolved himself, for he hundredth time, to continue doing what he had been doing since first arriving to Camelot. In his life there were rarely ever any easy answers or solutions and so he had learned to simply follow his heart and hope that it wouldn't lead him astray.

"Merlin! Wait, Merlin!" a voice from behind the said servant called.

Merlin turned around and saw a stable hand, a boy name Eric, running towards him and waving his arms. The lad was hardly even seventeen yet and had a tendency to look up to almost everyone he encountered, including Merlin. But Merlin liked him. He was honest for he seemed incapable of lying, he was hard working and he didn't shy away from difficult things unless he was absolutely positive that he wasn't able to overcome them. He was intensely loyal, especially to anyone who was nice to him, had a very kind and pure heart. Merlin knew for a fact that almost all of the money that Eric made he spent on gifts or necessities for his younger sister.

Merlin had grown quite fond of the boy so he smiled as he noticed him and stopped in the middle of the hallway he was in to wait for him.

Eric reached him a few seconds later and was panting, a bit out of breath. Merlin knew that he was still recovering from a particularly vicious cold and felt a little guilty that for whatever reason the boy had deemed it necessary to run to meet him. "Merlin! I was just in town getting a few things and I overheard this man asking people where you lived." Eric rambled out. "He's fairly young, maybe in his late twenties, and he didn't seem at all dangerous so I don't think you have to worry." Eric paused for a second to smile here at Merlin. The boy loved to smile and rarely ever found something _not_ worth smiling about. "Of course, a lot of people in town know you and where you work and live, so no doubt he's been told by now. Anyway, I just thought you might want to know. He seems nice. Actually, he seems like the kind of person you'd get along with really well." The grin widened and Merlin got the impression that the lad was done.

"Thank you, Eric. I'm glad you told me. I was considering going out to collect herbs, so it's a good thing that you stopped me." Merlin gave a little sheepish smile, but then his face turned serious and concerned. "But you really should sit down. You're not fully recovered and I'd hate for you to get worse."

Eric looked a little guilty. "I know. I just wanted to reach you in time. I'll go sit down."

Merlin nodded and said again, "Thank you," and then went off to the main entrance of the castle. If this man who was asking for him was going to seek him out here then he'd mostly likely enter through there.

Merlin was actually quite curious about who this person might be. Little did he know that he wasn't the only one.

* * *

><p>Ever since Hunith had told him that horrible story about Merlin's childhood Arthur hadn't been able to concentrate. How many other things didn't he know about Merlin? The very fact that Merlin had been that strong and sacrificing for his friend showed that there was a depth to him that Arthur hadn't previously even considered. Now the king was beginning to wonder what else he had missed.<p>

And the notion of anyone ever purposely wanting to hurt Merlin was very unsettling, especially in light of recent events. Arthur didn't remember much from that event, but he knew it had been awful.

Originally Arthur had been headed somewhere important, but as he looked up he realized that he had been wandering the castle's halls without a purpose for some time. Mentally kicking himself for getting so lost in his thoughts, Arthur turned around and starting walking to the council chambers. But just as he passed by one of Camelot's many hallways the king heard a voice calling out, but not to him.

"Merlin! Wait, Merlin!" Arthur looked over just in time to see a boy flash past an opening that led the corridor that Arthur was currently walking down to presumably the one Merlin was in. Curious, Arthur peered through the connecting passageway to see the boy just catch up with Merlin, who was looking both curious and a little exasperated, though, not by much.

And as Arthur listened to the rushed out words of the lad the king found himself becoming very intrigued as to whoever might come to the castle looking for Merlin. Months later when he had decided to tell Gwen of his many spying endeavors Arthur would be ashamed that he snuck behind Merlin and followed him, just as eager to have his curiosity sated as his servant. Arthur was beginning to think that the only answers to his questions about Merlin would be found by observing him. The prat didn't think to simply ask.

Suddenly Arthur saw Merlin screech to a halt ahead of him as the clumsy idiot collided with someone. "I'm sorry," Merlin said, but then froze when he looked up at the man.

Arthur couldn't see Merlin's face, but he had a perfect view of the stranger's. The man's complexion turned pale and he looked shocked. "Merlin," he said, his voice shaking slightly.

"James." Merlin's voice was layered with emotions that Arthur couldn't read, though, maybe that was because his own were going through the roof.

_James!_ _The_ James? The boy who had beaten Merlin into the ground multiple times in the story he'd been told only a few hours ago? Rage so strong that it took him completely by surprise bubbled through Arthur and he barely managed to keep himself in his hiding spot and not running James through right then and there. Hunith's words from earlier that day echoed in his head.

"_I kept seeing that last beating he gave to him…you have no idea how bad it was. Almost all of his ribs were broken and there was hardly an inch of skin on him that wasn't a deep shade of blue and black."_

_This_ was the man that had done that to Merlin and now he was here, far too close to Merlin for Arthur's comfort.

"Merlin," James repeated, still looking like he had seen a ghost. "I'm not sure what I expected when I decided to come here and find you, but I didn't think it would be this…hard." Arthur mentally took a step back at those words. They weren't really what you expected a sadistic bully to say.

"James, I—" Merlin started, but the man cut him off.

"Please, just don't say anything for a moment." He closed his eyes and he looked like he was struggling with something. "I know it can't be easy, seeing me after all these years, but there's something I have to tell you." He opened his eyes and Arthur saw guilt and sadness reflected in them. "I am…so, so sorry." Now Arthur really did have to take a physical step back.

Arthur could see Merlin's face now and it looked almost emotionless. It was blank, but not in a cold, heartless way, but rather the blankness of someone waiting for something. Merlin was waiting for him to finish. Still, though, Arthur could swear that he saw Merlin's features soften slightly when James began to apologize.

"What I did to you…" James continued and Arthur thought he saw his eyes become a little wet, "was horrible and I haven't stopped regretting it since. Knowing what I did, what I'm capable of—" he cut himself off and then continued after a moment. "I know nothing I could ever say could make what I did go away, but I want you to know; I _came_ here to tell you how sorry I am." James truly looked sincere. "And I think you should know that I never, ever, hurt anyone the way I hurt you again. I haven't so much as thrown a punch in over ten years. And I've changed, I really have. I'm married and she's pregnant now. I make shoes. I try to be the best I can be so that what I did to you never happens again." James was rambling a bit now, but he slowed down and calmed himself.

"I didn't come here expecting to be forgiven; I know that an apology doesn't just make things disappear, though if I could take back what I did I would." Arthur could see pain clearly written in his eyes. "I just wanted you to know that I didn't go on to terrorize others or become some kind of criminal. I thought that maybe if I apologized then you might get some closure. Knowing what I can do…it's been like a sword hanging over my head. I can so easily become a monster. But better to feel guilty than to repeat the same mistakes." James sighed. "I figured that I owe this much to you. I can't ever heal the wounds that I created, but maybe I can make things a little better.

"No one should have to go through a beating like that, let alone multiple times. But you were protecting your friend and we were just kids. You were one of the last people on earth who deserved that. There's no excuse for what I did. I just hope that over time you managed to put it behind you. I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry and I wish that I—"

"Stop," Merlin cut him off. "Stop beating yourself up. There was never any need to feel guilty all these years. I forgave you a long time ago." Merlin gave a small smile and put a hand on a shocked and stunned James' shoulder. "I'm not angry at you. I don't hate you. And I healed of any physiological wounds years ago. Stop." Merlin looked at James and Arthur saw so much compassion in that gaze.

For the second time that day Arthur reeled at new information about his servant. Sure, Hunith had told him that Merlin had been surprisingly forgiving even back then, but it was different to hear and see the sincerity and compassion and pure kindness that the servant felt for James.

_"And when I asked him why he didn't defend himself, do you know what he told me? He said that he didn't want to hurt James."_

Even after hearing Merlin say that he wasn't angry Arthur had trouble believing it. _James_ had beaten Merlin nearly to death over and over again and all for no good reason—not that there would be a good reason. Arthur himself wanted to punch that man into unconsciousness and here Merlin was comforting and consoling him.

"You…what?" James asked, completely stunned. "Why? Why would you forgive me? And for that matter, why didn't you fight back all those years ago? I showed you no mercy, but you are still far nicer to me than you should be." Arthur had to admit that he wished to know the answers to those questions himself. The mystery of Merlin and why he had forgiven this man was something that was seriously bothering him. He had never understood Merlin, but now more than ever he was beginning to think that he knew nothing about him. Maybe Merlin was a complete stranger.

Merlin smiled sadly and said kindly and softly, "I have the same answer for both of your questions. James, when I was a very young boy I had no friends, no one who I could relate to. Most everyone thought I was weird and they kept their distance from me. Growing up…I felt very alone and isolated. And then I met Will and immediately he befriended this strange little kid that no one else even wanted to talk to.

"We got along so well. In no time at all we were best friends. I would have given my life for him." Merlin smiled at the memory of his friend, even though Arthur could see a hint of sadness that tainted it. Arthur himself was feeling surprisingly and uncharacteristically jealous. He'd be lying to say that he and Merlin were like that. Truthfully their friendship was a lot different.

"And then you came along," Merlin continued with no hint of malice or anger or even blame in his tone, "and I knew as soon as I saw you how lonely you were. You had that same lost, alone expression on your face. I identified with you and I wanted to help you. Personally, there are few worse fates that I can think of than never having a friend, especially one as good as Will. I felt sorry for you.

"But before I had a chance to offer you my friendship you attacked Will…and I got angry. And then you started attacking me and that was when my anger cooled down. You wanted to inflict pain because you desperately needed your own to go away and every time I looked at your eyes I could see that." Merlin sighed sadly and there were tears budding in his eyes. "I didn't have the heart to fight back at you, not when I could empathize so completely with your pain." Merlin's face turned very serious. "I'd rather be tortured than be alone and friendless. I need people; they are what give me a reason to fight, a reason to live. And I saw that you didn't have that."

Arthur could clearly see that James was having trouble not crying at this point. Even the emotionally stunted king could tell that this story held painful wounds for the both of them, especially James.

"So the answer to your question is simple," Merlin said, composing himself. "I took the beating for Will; I refused to fight back for you. And every time you caught up to me I would hold out my hand and ask you to be my friend. I even did that in the beginning after the beatings when I had the strength. I knew you needed a friend and I tried to offer that to you. But you never listened. I think you were in too much pain to even hear what could end your pain."

James' eyes widened and he stumbled back. His face was whiter than snow. "I had forgotten about that," he said in a haunted voice. "I'd forgotten that you tried to be my friend. I think maybe I didn't want to remember at the time. If I did then I'd have to face what I'd done; face my guilt." James looked at Merlin. "Even after I beat you half to death you still tried to be my friend. Will was lucky to have a friend like you. I'm so sorry that I didn't listen."

Merlin put his hand up. "I already told you, it's okay. In fact, I'm actually a little glad of it." Both James and Arthur from where he was hiding gave Merlin a confused and quizzical look. "Because of those events I learned that I'd do anything for those closest to me. I think something like that is good for someone to learn early on. It makes a lot of tough decisions a lot easier." Merlin smiled, but Arthur shivered at the thought of what kind of situations you need that knowledge for. Suddenly he found himself wondering how many times Merlin had gotten hurt in his life because of some sort of sacrificing choice.

"I…I don't understand you, Merlin," James said, shaking his head and apparently recovering from everything he had confessed and learned. Being baffled by Merlin seemed to have a very calming and centering effect on people.

"Most people say that to me," Merlin replied, grinning. "Actually," he clarified, "usually it's my best friends who say that to me." The grin widened. "What do you say," Merlin asked, holding his hand out, "friends?"

James stared at that hand and Arthur could imagine all the things that were going through his head. Arthur remembered the first time he had met Merlin and the boy had called him a friend. Even after seeing him bully a servant Merlin had still tried to be nice and maybe had even attempted to become Arthur's friend. Of course, being the prat that he was, Arthur had refused the friendship and the two of them had gotten off to a bad start. But even when they had fought the idiot really hadn't so much as given him a cut.

There were a lot of similarities between how James had met Merlin and how Arthur had.

"_I could never be friends with such an ass," _Merlin had said. Now look at where the two of them were. Arthur was spying on Merlin because, honestly, he cared enough about Merlin to be curious, and for Arthur that was saying something special. Merlin had pulled him out of the way of that knife all those years ago, despite the fact that Arthur had purposely gotten him thrown in the stocks. And not long after he had become his servant he had warned him about a knight who was cheating with magic in a tournament and Arthur had eventually refused to believe him and had even gone so far as to yell at him and fire him. But Merlin had been right and if it hadn't been for the foreknowledge he may not have been able to react quickly enough when the snakes had, inevitably, come out of the shield.

But Arthur often pushed Merlin away and the king knew that their relationship was nowhere near as close as what he and Will had had. And yet Merlin stayed. _Merlin gives far too many second chances, _Arthur thought.

The king finally broke out of his thoughts just in time to see all the indecision fade from James' face and watch as he reached out and shook Merlin's hand. "Friends," he said, smiling a genuine smile.

Merlin's own grin widened more than Arthur thought possible and he said, "I'm so glad you came and found me. I've been wondering what happened to you for a long time, hoping you've been good. But now not only do I know that you're happy and _married_ but now I've got a new friend. I can never have too many friends." Merlin brought his other hand up to clasp James'. "Seriously, though, I've been hoping for such a long time to be your friend, I'm glad you finally listened and let me in. And people say _I'm_ stubborn!" Merlin laughed slightly and then froze and closed his eyes slowly.

"Ahh, I just remembered that I have to do something for Arthur. No doubt he's just looking for an excuse to call me lazy." Arthur inwardly laughed at that. Merlin started to turn away but James stopped him.

"_Arthur_, as in, _King Arthur?" _he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I'm his servant," Merlin replied, looking a little confused at James' reaction.

"You're his _servant?_" James exclaimed. "Servant to the King? Well, if you think I'm stubborn then he must be impossible."

Merlin gave a gentle and fond smile. "Actually, I consider him to be my greatest friend. I'd do anything for him. More than anyone he has my complete loyalty. There's a lot of people I'd die for, but the future that I know he will create; _that's _something I'd _live_ for. In some ways we might not be as close as Will and I once were, but in other ways it feels like…like I've never met someone better suited to my personality. Will and I were very similar, but Arthur seems like…well," he gave a small chuckle, "like one side of a coin. Somehow our impossible friendship works…mostly. There are those times he chucks goblets at my head, but usually that's because he's cranky from being woken up." Merlin looked a little sheepish and James just shook his head in wonder.

"It's like you attract strong friendships, Merlin. I have trouble believing that I or anyone else could ever have wanted to hurt you. One would have to be pretty heartless to hurt you, Merlin."

"Or just in a lot of pain," Merlin responded. For some reason Arthur found himself shuddering at what James had said. Unfortunately the king didn't know that that was destiny nudging him. There were people who wanted to hurt Merlin as they would both find out.

"Anyway, I guess you should go tend the King," James said, looking a little sad that they were parting ways.

"Yeah, before he gets mad. I've got a pretty good record going about not being thrown in the stocks. I'd hate to break it." Again Merlin turned away, but again he was stopped.

"You're trying to fix him, too, aren't you?" James asked solemnly.

Merlin looked back. "He can be a real prat sometimes…and then, sometimes I can see the good in him and it is so powerful. You should know, I don't give up on people, not as long as I still see good in them." There was a certain ancient sadness in his voice when Merlin said that. "He was raised by Uther. He taught him many things; how to hate and fear magic, how to protect and rule his kingdom, how to cut off all emotion so that way you can't get hurt and damaged beyond repair, and many other things. Some of those things I think he needs to unlearn. I think Arthur is beginning to realize that the best way to serve his kingdom _is_ to become attached to its people. Already they love him more than they ever loved Uther, as much as he did for them, because Arthur loves them more than Uther did. Arthur has a big heart for his people and he's learning how to use it." Merlin chuckled. "You should have seen him when I first met him. There were a few times when I almost gave up." Merlin sighed. "See you later, James."

The new friends went their separate ways and Arthur couldn't help but notice how both of them looked like a huge weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. James no longer had to feel guilty, though Arthur doubted the self-blame would go away entirely, and Merlin had finally managed to become friends with someone he had been offering it to for many, many years. But Arthur himself felt heavy, the weight of all he had seen and heard today was great. He was having trouble taking it all in.

But one thing was perfectly clear to the king, master, and more importantly, friend of Merlin: he was so lucky to be one of the people Merlin had offered his friendship to. He remembered Merlin's words about how they had first met.

"_There were a few times when I almost gave up."_

Arthur knew he had changed a lot over the years and there was no doubt in his mind that Merlin was a big part of it. Before now Arthur hadn't realized what went on behind that idiotic mask he usually wore, but now he was beginning to understand that Merlin had reasons for everything he did. Hearing the explanations of why he didn't like hunting had changed his whole view if his servant. The king was learning that there was much, much more to Merlin than he had any idea if. Later, months in the future, he would explain to Gwen how listening to Merlin and James' conversation and seeing the birth of their friendship had precipitated the weeks and weeks of spying that he had done.

"_I saw a new side to him that day," Arthur said, thinking back. "His ability to not only forgive what James did to him, but also alleviate his guilt and become his friend was nothing short of amazing. It's also a skill I know I'd never have the goodness of heart to possess. _

"_There was so much about Merlin that I didn't know and for the first time that bothered me. Maybe spying on Merlin like I did was wrong, but I don't regret it. Both you and him and even Gaius have accused me of not paying enough attention to him or giving him enough credit. I guess I just wanted to unravel the mystery of Merlin. Maybe I should have done it differently, but I'm glad I did it the way I did. I wouldn't have believed or taken it seriously otherwise. Seeing and hearing those things with my own eyes and ears makes it realer than anything else could have. _

"_For the first time in six years I feel like I actually understand and know something about Merlin, but there's still something huge I'm missing."_

"_I just hope," Gwen replied, "that if Merlin ever finds out that amazing forgiveness will extend to you. And whatever this huge thing is, don't fight to figure out what it is so hard that you hurt Merlin in the process. All you have 'learned' about Merlin means nothing if you don't treat him better because of it."_

_Arthur took those words to heart. _

It would take Arthur at least a week before he would be able to make sense of what he thought about everything he had learned today and indeed what he would learn in the coming months. It was hard for the king to believe that the day had started out with a simple cut to his arm and Merlin insisting that it got taken care of. In the space of a few hours his whole perception of Merlin had been changed. Now Arthur didn't know what he _knew_ about his servant. Was he a bumbling idiot that had hardly a care in the world and very few thoughts, or was he the deep, loving, self-sacrificing and so compassionate man that seemed to be able to forgive any wrong done against him? It was like Merlin was two separate people and now neither one of them made sense, but as Arthur walked back to his rooms he decided that he would figure out which one was the real Merlin. Because Arthur was no longer content ignoring and staying oblivious to all the strange and sometimes even wise things that Merlin said or did.

Merlin had been Arthur's servant for over six years and the king was just realizing that he had no idea who his manservant was. But he intended to find out.

* * *

><p>There we have it. As you might have guessed I am going to have Arthur spying on Merlin quite a bit, because, let's face it, there's a lot of things Merlin wouldn't do if he knew Arthur was watching. There are whole conversations I have planned for Arthur to listen in on, hopefully that doesn't get boring. Anyway, from here on out Arthur is going to be paying a lot more attention. By the way, I'm sorry if this story came across as a little slashy, that was not what I intended, but bromance is a difficult line to walk.<p>

Also, I just want to point out that no matter how long I go before updating I will not abandon this story. If I choose to do that then I'll remove this story altogether. I just have another story that is priority. Plus, these oneshots take longer to write than most chapters because I have to set everything up instead of jumping right in. Oh, and if anyone has any ideas for oneshots with the general theme that someone notices something new about Merlin then please tell me, I'm always open to more ideas since, technically, this could go one forever. Of course, at some point when I feel like I've built up to it enough, I will start developing the plot much, much more, but even then I can always do oneshots back in time. Oh, and if anyone has any ideas that take place in previous episodes and seasons, say, season two, then that is also perfectly welcome. Please review.


	4. Unnoticed

Sorry, can't talk for long since I have to go somewhere. Anyway, this one is a little different than the others, but that was kinda the point.

Unnoticed

Summary: Gwen notices that Merlin isn't being included or respected by Arthur and she gets angry, but that anger soon fades when she hears what Merlin has to say.

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><p>Gwen couldn't be happier. Here she was: a queen, married to the most amazing man she had ever met and the love of her life, surrounded by her friends and currently sitting next to her husband around the Round Table. A few months after their wedding Arthur had woken up one morning with a burning desire to fetch the Round table from that old castle. As he had put it, "Ever since I married you, Gwen, I feel like a new chapter in my life has been started. And I want this chapter to be the best it can be. I married you, a servant, I knighted commoners. I think it's time that I truly embrace the friendship, equality, and unity that I believe in."<p>

In no time at all the Round Table had been brought to Camelot and had been cleaned and repaired, and now it sat in the council chambers. And that's where Gwen was now, holding Arthur's hand and listening as he and the knights and Gaius and even a few of the old council members sat and discussed things of importance.

Gwen loved this side of Arthur; the side of him that was considerate and listened to what everyone around him thought regardless of how they were born. In fact, she loved it so much that she was just content to sit back and watch as the wonderful man she married ran his kingdom with loving hands. That is, she was until she happened to glance behind her and saw Merlin on the side lines.

Hands clasped at his back and standing behind Arthur's chair Merlin waited. The manservant waited for the moment that Arthur might need something or he might be called upon for some reason.

Everyone had some sort of say. Commoners, a physician, and even the scholar, Geoffrey of Monmouth. Everyone sat at the Round table, pitching ideas and having them listened to by Arthur…except Merlin. Merlin stood behind them. He was here purely as a servant, nothing more.

And just like that all of Gwen's happiness melted away as she stared at Merlin, who was listening intently to the conversation, even though he wasn't a part of it. It bothered her more than she could say that Merlin was left out of the Round Table conference while all his friends and the people who should be including him weren't excluded.

"All right," Arthur said and Gwen turned back to him, now waiting for the right opportunity, "now that we've settled that we have one more business to attend to. Now, I know no one enjoys discussing this, but it has to be done, so now we'll talk about the taxes." Gwaine groaned, but Arthur ignored him and continued. "As I have mentioned before I don't want to run the kingdom the way my father did. When it comes to taxes things get very tricky. I am fully aware that some people in Camelot simply aren't doing well enough to pay the taxes, and not out of laziness or neglect. Especially after Morgana's attack on Camelot just a few months ago the people are still struggling. So," Arthur said, posing a question to everyone around the table, "I need opinions from those of you who know the people and how they are doing. I need to know their limits."

Before anyone had a chance to say anything Gwen spoke up. "Arthur." The king turned to his wife and smiled.

"Yes, Gwen?"

"Perhaps Merlin would have some insight. After all, he goes into town every day, surely he can provide some useful information." Gwen glanced up at Merlin and saw the shock written clearly on his face. Obviously he hadn't thought anyone would ask his opinion on anything.

Arthur looked up at Merlin, too. Apparently he misread the shock on his face for blankness because he turned back to Gwen and said, "I wish that were true, Gwen, but I'm afraid that the act of carrying out a duty and thinking at the same time is too much for Merlin. I doubt he knows anything. Anyone else?" Arthur asked, turning back to the rest of his advisors.

Gwen felt outrage boil up inside her and not at how Arthur had dismissed what she had said, but rather at how he had dismissed Merlin. It was hard to make her angry, but ignoring, hurting, or mistreating her friends was one sure-fire way to rile her up.

And so as Arthur continued talking about the tax Gwen began plotting how she would later ambush him and knock some sense into his head. He might be her husband, but she had been Merlin's friend before he had even looked at her differently. And now that Gwen had some influence over Arthur's decisions she would find a way to make Arthur starting treating Merlin like the good friend he was, instead of just some nameless servant.

Before Morgana's heart had filled with so much hate she and Gwen had been good friends. Morgana had always treated her like a person and had always been attentive to her needs and feelings. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Merlin and Arthur were much closer than she and Morgana had ever been, and yet Arthur treated Merlin sometimes with less respect than even good slaves got.

Thinking about Morgana was painful and it brought forth a whole slew of volatile emotions, but thinking about the great potential Merlin and Arthur's relationship had and how good they would be for each other if they only let the other one in almost hurt more.

Gwen looked around the table and she saw that she wasn't the only one who was upset about Arthur's dismissal of Merlin. There was obvious rage and indignation on Gwaine's and Percival's and Eylan's faces, though, it was more muted on the latter two. Gwaine had always had a bigger temper than really any of the other knights, aside from Arthur, of course. Though, as Arthur had had more responsibility placed on his shoulders over the last two years he had learned how to keep his anger in check.

Elyan was also sending Gwen apologetic looks and she guessed that if she really lent on her brother she could get him to talk to Arthur, not that she would, this was something she wanted to tackle herself. Leon and Geoffrey had disappointed and disapproving looks and Gwen could see that they were considering mentioning something about his poor judgment to Arthur as well. But Gaius' face was the most surprising. There was no anger or incredulous shock, just merely a resigned sadness, disappointment, and pain.

Perhaps six months ago when Merlin had been captured by Morgana and she had placed that magical snake in the back of his neck Guinevere had gotten a good look and a deeper understanding of Merlin's and the physician's relationship. Oddly enough Gaius wasn't overly shaken up by what had happened to Merlin or even that surprised. He had handled the whole thing with a calm and studious demeanor just as he would in any other situation.

But what had shocked Gwen about the whole thing was that not only did Gaius take everything in stride and act like it had happened before, but throughout it all he had a look of reconciled pain in his eyes. Gwen had realized that day that Gaius was used to helping Merlin out of difficult circumstances, but despite that it still hurt him to see his ward in trouble. Gwen had suddenly begun to understand that Gaius would always be there for Merlin when he needed help because seeing him hurt or in trouble or even just unsure pained him. Gaius was resigned to the fact that Merlin would always be getting into trouble, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be there to help him and take his pain in any way possible.

And so Arthur's reaction to her suggestion that Merlin could help hadn't surprised Gaius in the slightest, it had merely reminded him of yet another hardship in his ward's life. Gwen found herself wondering if Merlin truly knew how much every problem in his life pained his guardian.

And finally Gwen turned her head to look at Merlin himself, trying to say how sorry and angry she was for him as best as she could with her eyes. Merlin, still standing behind Arthur's chair, caught her look and gave her a small smile that clearly said, 'it's okay, I'm fine, thank you for trying'.

But as good as Merlin was at masking his feelings Gwen could still see a hint of pain at being so neglected. Yes, she would definitely have to do something about Arthur's attitude towards Merlin.

And so she waited until the meeting was over before walking confidently to Arthur's room, where she knew he'd be shortly. But along the way she caught a glimpse of Merlin out of the corner of her eye and called out to him on an impulse.

Merlin turned around and when he saw her he smiled and stopped walking to wait for her to catch up. "Gwen!" he exclaimed and as she saw his eyes she was reminded of yet another reason why she was grateful to have Merlin as a friend and why no one should take him for granted. Since the very first day that Merlin had met Gwen, every time he saw her his eyes would light up in happiness. And it wasn't just her, either, Merlin got that same glow in his eyes whenever he saw a friend or even happened to stumble upon some random person. Gwen knew from talking to other servants or even ordinary people walking the streets of Camelot that many times they had had a horrible day considerably brightened by Merlin's smile.

More than that, whenever Merlin talked to you he would give you his full attention, never once looking away unless perhaps he bumped into something. He always treated you as if you not just a woman or a servant or an overlooked guard, or even just a person, no, he would treat you like you were the most important person in the world and that there was no one he'd rather be talking to. He would laugh genuinely every time you said something funny, he would listen to your troubles and express real concern and empathy and do his best to find a way to help you.

Merlin never failed to give you that word of encouragement just when you needed it most, if someone was bothering or hurting you he never failed to stand up to them, even if it meant getting a few bruises in the process. He always respected you for who you were and the decisions you made, instead of what others said about you or who your family were and he was always more than willing to help you out with your chores or anything that needed to be done. And the cheeriness that he so often exuded even when he had more than enough of a reason to be grumpy or annoyed gave people hope and happiness in a way that nothing else could.

Merlin was one of a kind.

Gwen stopped walking when she reached Merlin and for a moment or two just studied his expression. There was his usual joy and he was obviously waiting and expecting her to say something, but she couldn't find so much as a speck of the pain she had seen earlier on his face. There wasn't even anger or annoyance at how little Arthur respected him. It was as if he had completely forgotten about the whole thing or that he simply just didn't care.

"Was there something you wanted, Gwen?" Merlin asked and she realized that she had been staring at him for a little too long.

"Yes, sorry," she said hastily, trying to cover up her awkward zone-out. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the way that Arthur treated you back there and I'm going to talk to him about it." Gwen gave Merlin a reassuring smile but he just frowned.

"Gwen," Merlin began slowly and took another step towards her as if he was trying to explain something, "I appreciate what you did for me in there; it was very kind and considerate of you, but I'd prefer it if you didn't mention anything like that to Arthur again.

Confusion rippled through her. "But why not, Merlin?" Gwen asked. "Arthur doesn't respect that you have opinions of your own. He doesn't always treat you the way you deserve."

Merlin sighed and ran a hand through his floppy hair. "When you tried to ask what I thought it was…heartwarming, but I don't need that kind of recognition. I've been serving Arthur for many," he chuckled a little bit, "many years and it feels like a lifetime. I've gotten used to Arthur and our odd relationship. I don't need Arthur to start asking for my opinions on things. In fact, when he does ask my advice then I know something is wrong with him." Merlin smiled and seemed to be trying to shrug the whole thing off.

Guinevere couldn't believe it. She just couldn't believe that Merlin was perfectly okay with Arthur thinking of him as an idiot half the time. She knew that Merlin was a lot wiser than he looked and that he had valuable things to say. If she was indignant on his behalf, shouldn't he be even angrier than her?

"No, Merlin," she said, letting some of her anger of this whole situation seep into her tone, "I won't accept that. You might be all right with the ways things are, but that doesn't mean you're necessarily happy with them or that you don't deserve more." Gwen took a step forward herself and looked deep into his blue eyes that she had never noticed how depthless they seemed before now. "I love Arthur, but he is not without his faults and I think his stubbornness concerning you is his biggest one. I know he would be happier if he just admitted the truth about his friendship with you—that it is the only thing that has kept him afloat during times of desperation and pain—to himself. You're a lot wiser than anyone gives you credit for and I know that with your help Arthur could really give his people the assistance and hope that they need. The only thing that is standing in the way of the amazing things the two of you could do together is Arthur's stubbornness and, apparently, yours as well. And worst of all I know that the way Arthur sometimes treats you has to hurt. Well, I'm not going to stand by and watch this anymore. Arthur needs some sense knocked into him every once in a while; you taught me that when you first came to Camelot. So that's what I'm going to do." Gwen turned around and started to walk away with the intention of finding Arthur and giving him a similar speech, but she was stopped by a hand on her arm that was pulling her back.

Gwen turned back to look at Merlin and this time she saw no cheeriness or indifference to the blatant lack of respect he was being shown. Pain, sadness, and a deep-seeded need and hunger that she couldn't quite understand were written plainly on his face and there wasn't a single piece of evidence that his usual mask ever existed.

She was so shocked by the raw and painful emotions that she had never quite seen the likes of before that she completely forgot about her anger or righteous sense of purpose. Suddenly everything in her life seemed to melt away in lieu of the intense and heart wrenching emotions that Merlin was now freely exhibiting. For the first time in her life Gwen got a true glimpse of the ever-present pain in Merlin and she realized that as hard as everything hit people—Morgana's betrayal, Uther's death, her own banishment, Camelot and its people in danger, and Gaius' kidnapping—in some ways it hurt him deeper. Now Gwen knew that at least part of it was all an act. Sure, she didn't doubt that some of that happiness that Merlin always seemed to possess was real, but now she understood that underneath it was a torrent of pain that extended from so many areas. Perhaps in comparison to all the pain Merlin had already suffered dealing with an Arthur that didn't fully respect him wasn't such a big deal.

"Gwen." It wasn't a question or even the beginning to a sentence; it was a whole speech all on its own. Gwen heard such deep pain and grief in that one word, a word that seemed impossibly her own, and in that moment she felt like she would do anything Merlin asked of her, simply because she'd have to be heartless to deny such a pleading and pained voice. But Merlin continued talking, albeit slowly, anyway.

"I care about Arthur, too," Merlin began, his tone still laced with that immeasurable emotion, "and I believe with all my heart that he is already becoming the greatest king Camelot has ever seen and he will only grow greater. The people love him because he loves them in return, something that Uther, with all the sacrifices he tried to make for this kingdom, never did. Arthur is a good man and I am honored to be his servant, let alone his friend." Gwen had seen a spark of brightness and hope in Merlin's eyes as he talked about Arthur, but now the spark faded and the servant's shoulders hunched a little bit.

"But Arthur, for all his greatness and courage and strength isn't perfect, like you said. He is so different from how he was when I first met him. He has grown and gained so much depth and maturity. But he has had to go against nearly everything his father taught him, nearly everything he once believed in. He has let servants and commoners become knights and," he paused for a second to smile here, "a queen. Arthur is not like his father, but he truly loved—loves Uther and I don't doubt that the idea of changing everything and going against all that he stood for breaks his heart and makes him feel like he isn't respecting the man who had so much influence in making him the man he is today. Personally, I believe that a lot of the things that Uther taught Arthur are wrong or wrong for him, at least, but he did teach him to give up everything for his people. He taught him honor and bravery and a kind of strength that is unparalleled. And I can't help but feel like going against everything Uther believed in would hurt Arthur to his core. Arthur never had an easy life and he had to learn some of the most important things in this world on his own or through the various trials that have come his way. I can't expect Arthur to be perfect or to give up his father's legacy completely. He's still growing and changing." Merlin gave Gwen an earnest look and then shrugged his shoulders.

"If often treating me like I'm nothing more than a bumbling servant that happens to have been through a lot with him helps Arthur to feel like he's not completely disrespecting his father or keeps him from treating anyone else that way then it's worth it. Arthur is a great man and my best friend and there is no place I'd rather be than at his side, whether it is as his friend, his servant, his equal, or just as the annoying person in his life that won't shut up. For whatever reason I tend to be in Arthur's blind spot. I'm exempt from almost all of the regular rules. I'm more than a servant and yet often less than a friend." Suddenly Merlin's eyes became very pain-filled and sad. "And I would love for Arthur to treat me differently, to look at me and see what I am; someone who will never betray him and who has been at his side through many dark times. But if Arthur ever does start seeing me as more of a friend than someone with no solid opinion and a love of taverns, I want it to be because he chose it."

Gwen felt her heart sink. Suddenly she knew exactly why Merlin had stopped her and seeing the pain in his eyes right now even made her understand it.

Merlin put his hand on her arm. "If Arthur is going to start valuing my opinions and seeing me as a friend I want him to get there on his own, not because someone pushed him there, even if that someone is you. Because as much as I love what you're trying to do for me, I think it might kill me if, after all these years and these disasters we've lived through, Arthur realizes exactly who I am and how loyal I am because someone else told him." Gwen saw Merlin's eyes begin to brim with tears a little and Merlin gazed at her pleadingly, as if begging her to understand. "I need him to get there on his own. I will always be his friend and I will never stop being by his side through thick and thin, no matter what. Arthur might never truly see that, but that won't change a thing. I am happy to serve Arthur for the rest of my life regardless of how he views me. But if his opinion changed because of someone else's input then it wouldn't feel _real_. Right now Arthur isn't in a place where he can handle the truth about me." Guinevere somehow felt that there was something more to his almost desperate words. "He needs me right now to be the bumbling servant. And that's what I'm here for; to be that extra silliness or push that gives him the strength to do some of the hard things he has to.

"Yeah, it hurts knowing that sometimes that Arthur has more respect for his horse than me, but it doesn't change the fact that I will always be there, right behind him to give him whatever he needs, whether that be more wine or the advice that he won't listen to but will take to heart." Merlin breathed out a sigh and seemed to be trying to compose himself. "Arthur's my best friend and I'd do anything for him. All I'm asking is that you, Gwen, will let Arthur grow and learn at his own pace. And if he ever realizes that I'm more than a servant then great. If not, then I don't want it anyway, because someone else pointing it out to him would just seem fake."

Gwen realized her own eyes were wet and she tried to blink away the almost-tears. Slowly the queen took a step back. "Merlin," she said in a quiet, shocked voice, "you're the strongest, most selfless man I have ever met and Arthur doesn't deserve you." Suddenly Gwen heard herself give a humorless laugh that sounded far away. "Camelot itself doesn't deserve you." She shook her head in shock and dismay. "I won't say anything to Arthur, yet. But one day, if Arthur doesn't realize it himself, I will." Gwen hurried on as Merlin opened his mouth to protest. "Not for you, Merlin, for Arthur." Another laugh. "That prat doesn't have any idea of the great, one-of-a-kind friendship he's missing out on." Abruptly she stepped forward until she was very close to Merlin again. "There is no one like you out there, Merlin. How far you're willing to go for someone who doesn't treat you the way he treats less deserving men is unmatchable. I know that Arthur, for all of his self-denial would give his life for you. And I know that the kind of friendship you two could have would be unbreakable and stronger than any other. If only Arthur would open his eyes."

Gwen stared at Merlin's face in wonder for a moment. Until this moment she had never realized the strength of the person standing next to her or the sheer power he contained in his loyalty, friendship, and love. "Merlin," she said, her voice breaking and sadness coloring her tone. "I promise you…one day Arthur will notice you. How can he not? Someone as strong as you can't stay hidden forever. One day you two will have the friendship you've dreamed of. The man Arthur is today is only because of you. He has changed _so_ much since the day you arrived in Camelot and started affecting all of our lives." She smiled. "You have changed him, Merlin, for the better. You have made Arthur the great king he is by being the friend he wasn't entirely sure he had. Arthur might be slow to learn, but he will finally realize what an amazing friend he has by his side. And together I have no doubt you will change the world."

Gwen grabbed Merlin's arm much like he had hers. "I won't tell Arthur right now because I think he will get there on his own. Arthur will recognize you for who you truly are…the best friend he could ever have," Guinevere finished and grinned, trying to give Merlin the hope he so desperately needed.

It worked. Gwen saw hope and happiness brighten his eyes and Merlin give a genuine smile. It wasn't his usual grin that would light up rooms and make everything seem all right, but rather it was a smile that spoke of an anticipation of things to come. A smile that was building up to greater happiness.

"Thank you, Gwen," Merlin said and he leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the head. The kiss didn't feel weird or odd at all. It was merely the kiss of a happy friend who saw no better way of expressing his gratitude. "I can never thank you enough for the hope you have given me."

_He's thanking me?_ Gwen thought incredulously. More than ever she now understood exactly what Merlin had been going through since arriving in Camelot and exactly what he had sacrificed. _After everything he's done for Arthur and for all of us? _

Out of nowhere, just as Merlin began pulling away, Gwen got an impulse and drew him into a hug. "No, thank you," she whispered into his ear.

"Merlin!" Gwen suddenly heard Arthur call and they pulled away to see him striding toward them with a look of fake annoyance on his face. "There you are! Hugging my wife. Honestly Merlin, can't you get anything right? Not only are you taking up Gwen's time, which is therefore keeping her from me, but you're also neglecting your duties." Arthur gave a small smile to signify that he wasn't really angry, just taking a pot-shot at Merlin.

Merlin put a fake-indignant look on his face. "Well, she's not just your wife; she's also my friend. Aren't I allowed to talk to her? After all, I did know her before you did."

Arthur scoffed. "No, you didn't. I knew Gwen years before you ever met her!" Arthur replied defensively.

Merlin snorted. "You did not know her. You had seen her and probably occasionally talked to her for a few brief moments, but you did not know her. You only started to fall in love with her after I became her friend." Merlin crossed his arms and had a smug look on his face.

"Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed angrily.

Guinevere watch from where she stood as Merlin and Arthur continued their bickering as they walked away, completely forgetting about the object of their conversation.

Today Gwen had learned something very important about a close friend. In fact, she had learned many things. But the only conclusion that she could draw from it all was this: Merlin truly was one of a kind. Gwen just hoped that someday soon he would get the notice and recognition he deserved.

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><p>I'll expand more on why I wrote this chapter later. But I have to say, I think this is some of my best writing, at least parts of it.<p> 


	5. A Third Life

Yes, I am aware that it has been a frightfully long time since I've updated this. My only excuse is that I've had a crazy life, which _you_ don't want to know the details of, I've been working on my other story which I've been longing to write for over a years now, and this chapter didn't exactly come easy. But you guys don't care about that. You want to read, preferably a new chapter the second you're finished with the last one. Unfortunately, I'm not Santa and I can't give you that gift because I simply can't write that quickly. However, I really do care about and enjoy this story and there are many things in it I am dying to write, so please believe me when I say that I am trying. So, I am now asking you to stop reading my ramblings and start reading this chapter...if you're still here.

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><p>Arthur watched as a ring of fire rose up around the mercenaries. "Wait!" he called out as he saw the figure begin to fade just as he had every other time. Arthur got to his feet and took a cautious step towards the mysterious stranger. "Why do you keep doing this? Surely you must want a reward of some kind?" Arthur just didn't understand.<p>

The man half turned to him, just enough for Arthur to see the endless blackness that hid his face beneath his hood, and said to him, "I want no reward. I have told you why I do this. If you refuse to accept my answer then that's your problem, not mine." He began to turn away, but Arthur wouldn't let him.

"Please," Arthur implored, "even after all this time I know nothing about you. Won't you at least tell me your name?"

"What? So you can hunt me down and kill me and all those I love?" Though Arthur couldn't be sure, the man's reply seemed derisive and almost hurt. "How foolish do you think I am, Pendragon?"

Even though Arthur shouldn't have expected any less, the stranger's words stung. For some reason he had thought this sorcerer's opinion of him was greater than that. "You have saved my life over and over again," Arthur stated, "And all without even asking to be thanked. I would be the worst kind of monster if I turned around and betrayed you in spite of all of that. Do you honestly think so little of me that you believe I'd do that?"

The stranger seemed to hesitate for a moment, and though Arthur really had no way of actually knowing, it seemed to him that he was a little guilty. Finally the man fully turned to him so that he could look right at Arthur and said, "I have many names. If you must call me something then…you should call me—"

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><p>Three months earlier<p>

"Merlin!" Arthur yelled, sounding grumpy.

The servant in question sighed. He was surprised it had taken Arthur this long to get fed up with waiting. He didn't turn around as he heard Arthur barge through Gaius' door, but merely kept on pouring the contents of the large bowl he had spent the last half an hour making into small, glass bottles.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried again upon seeing his servant, "We've been waiting in the courtyard for you for over an hour! What excuse do you have for keeping us waiting this time?"

Merlin sighed and turned around to face his annoyed master. Arthur was, of course, overreacting. He was probably only twenty minutes late and it was by no means his fault. "I would have been on time, Arthur," Merlin replied, trying his best to calm down his friend, "but Gaius gave me a last minute chore."

"And what, Merlin, was so important that it needed to be done right this moment and not a few hours from now?" Arthur asked incredulously. His tone contained much of his usual anger, but Merlin didn't let it bother him too much because he knew that on any given day half of it was fake. Why Arthur felt like he had to pretend to be angrier than he really was, Merlin had no idea. And this really wasn't the right time to attempt to figure it out.

"Gaius needed a potion," Merlin evenly explained, "because of the new illness circling around. He's had his hands full and he didn't have time to make it himself. It couldn't wait until we got back because it seems to be the only thing that fights the sickness." As Merlin spoke he saw the indignation and anger fade some from Arthur's face to be replaced with a hint of guilty sheepishness as he realized that for once he had a good excuse for being late. "I thought maybe I could make it quickly, but I've never made a batch so large before and it took longer than I thought. It was never my intention to hold up the patrol," Merlin finished.

Arthur seemed to stutter for a minute. The king could also get angry at Merlin for anything he did of his own accord, but doing something for Gaius…well; Arthur had the utmost respect the physician and knew that the man never did anything unless it was necessary. Finally, Arthur was able to form a coherent thought and said, "Well, next time, Merlin, you should send a servant to inform us that you will be late. Or better yet, ask Gaius beforehand if he requires anything. Perhaps if you thought ahead we could prevent anything like this from happening again." With that, Arthur spun around and headed for the door, calling as he did so, "Be in the courtyard the _second _that potion is done or I'll throw you in the stocks for a week."And then he was gone.

Merlin sighed to himself. Lately Arthur had been dealing with his usual tardiness more calmly, but when it came to situations like this when it was in front of his men he was as frustrated as ever. Even after all this time Arthur felt the pressing need to prove himself to his men, as if he hadn't done so a thousand times already. But the king felt responsible for Merlin and if he was holding them up then it was Arthur's fault.

Every now and then Merlin was struck by how ironic it was that Arthur cared so much what people thought of him. Arthur was the king of possibly the most powerful kingdom in the world and there were times when his ego seemed bigger than his head, but despite that he always seemed desperate to make practically everyone like him. Except Merlin. Maybe because Merlin had befriended him at a time when he was a prat of ridiculous proportions Arthur felt no need to prove anything to him.

Merlin sighed again and finished pouring the last of the undoubtedly nasty-tasting substance into the last bottle and then snatched his bag from where he'd left it and ran out the door.

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><p>Merlin was bored. Bored because nothing at all interesting had happened in the last hour. Unfortunately, boredom while patrolling was a very common thing for Merlin. The only occasions Merlin wasn't nearly bored to death by the dragging silence and never-ending trees that all looked the same was when they actually found some bandits or mercenaries and a resulting fight ensued. Of course, Merlin never actually <em>hoped<em> to run across some bandits because even though Arthur and the knights were skilled fighters and he would do his best to protect them with his magic, there was still a chance of them getting hurt or killed. And no matter how bored he was he would never wish for Arthur or anyone to be in danger.

But despite all of that he was still, unequivocally, bored. He had absolutely no idea how all the knights could stand doing this over and over again. Merlin was certain that the mind-numbing boredom would have surely killed him by now if it weren't for his drive to always be at Arthur's side so he could protect him.

And it was that same drive that was his reason for coming along on this patrol in the first place. The chance, however remote, that Arthur might get hurt was more than enough to make Merlin put up with the boredom.

In the distance Merlin heard a twig snapped and out of the corner of his eye he saw the heads of all ten knights whip towards the sound. It was kind of eerie how their instincts and reflexes kicked at the exact same time making it look as if some entity had moved their heads.

For the tiniest second Merlin thought it was nothing, after all, a twig snapping in a forest full of animals and enough wind to make anything light move wasn't particularly unusual, but when none of the knights relaxed and Arthur along with a few others dismounted the warlock got the distinct impression that this was more than some scampering squirrel. One by one, the swords of the ten men were unsheathed and even though they had tried to be quiet, the sound of steel against steel echoed through the forest.

Merlin's magic was already roaring to life and waiting for his command as he slowly slid down his horse. He could feel it humming beneath his skin and he realized that it was a lot stronger and more excited than it would usually be under such circumstances. Normally Merlin's magic only reacted this way to a threat when it was magical in nature. At that unnerving thought, Merlin pulled even more magic to the surface and his muscles tensed even harder as he tried to cast out his mind searching for any sign of someone with magic.

Suddenly, without even the merest sound or warning, a large lion crashed through the tress roaring and lunging toward them. But this was no ordinary lion. It was at least twice the size of any normal lion and it had oozing black sores that covered its back so thickly that it actually stood out like a large lump, giving Merlin a brief thought that this was a hunchback lion. The creature's mouth was visibly bleeding—Merlin could tell that it wasn't just the blood of another person or animal because he could see a few of those black sores layering its tongue and gums and the roof of its mouth and blood was just pouring from them—and huge muscles and tendons that didn't look like they were supposed to be there and even seemed painful ripped across its body.

In surprise and fear each and everyone one of them stumbled backwards. The huge monster swiped at the nearest knight, which happened to be Elyan, and the man cried out in pain as the most terrible sound Merlin had ever heard reached his ears. It was the sound of claws that were far too powerful ripping through metal armor, cloth, and flesh.

Hearing Elyan scream and seeing him crumple to the ground must have broken everyone out of their shocked reverie because before Merlin knew what had happened the knights had rushed forward and were attacking the creature with all their might. The knights circled around the lion, attacking it from every side. Gwaine seemed the most ferocious; he was hacking away at it with frightening strength and intensity. And when the enraged lion turned its head to roar angrily at the drunken knight, Gwaine simply bellowed back.

For a moment, Merlin thought the knights had the beast taken care of. Their tactic of spreading out and assaulting it from every angle seemed to be working as it was keeping the monster too hurt and distracted by the multiple swords cutting into its hide to decide which human to attack first. Its big head kept swinging around and every time it seemed to have found its target it would snarl in pain as another knight dealt it a terrible blow. Merlin was sure that this lion, regardless of size or strength, was no match for the might of the knights of Camelot until the creature seemed to have finally had enough and it leapt forward, right into Percival—knocking him to the ground and smacking his head against the earth so roughly that Merlin was positive he'd have a headache for weeks—and thundered a few feet away from the group that had surrounded it.

Merlin could see blood covering it everywhere and long gashes that had cut through its thick hair were visible, and yet the warlock could tell that this beast should have far greater wounds than it had already received. The only conclusion Merlin could make as to why this monster was still alive when any normal lion would have long since died was that the magic that _must_ have enlarged it must also have given it a hide far stronger than that of any ordinary creature. But Merlin really didn't have time to think about that.

The lion, now momentarily free of its attackers stopped running and spun around to face them, its large and hideous teeth bared. Then, without warning, it roared so loudly that Merlin had to cover his ears and he felt blood coming from them and it charged forward directly at Arthur.

Merlin wasn't sure what happened next. Even years later he still wouldn't be able to say with confidence what had occurred.

He felt his magic rise up within him so quickly and powerfully that it stole his breath away and caused him actual, physical pain. He saw several of the knights, including a dazed Percival, throw their swords straight at the creature—which wouldn't normally be a smart thing to do because throw swords rarely met their target, but considering that the lion would crash into them and likely end their lives in the process within mere seconds, it was worth a shot. He saw himself running towards Arthur. Merlin saw Percival's sword miss and the others just nick the lion. Merlin felt his magic tear out of him so viciously that it felt as if it had been ripped from him. And he heard a terrible scream come from somewhere.

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><p>Merlin woke up in that same clearing and the first thing his eyes saw was the grotesque body of the dead lion. Startled and rather afraid of the sight before him, Merlin pushed himself backwards trying to get away from the beast, but as soon as he moved red, fiery pain shot across his back.<p>

Merlin gave a strangled cry that would have been longer and manlier if it hadn't been for the lack of air in his lungs. The panic of waking up to the sight of the lion had stolen his breath. But before Merlin had a chance to move anymore or hyperventilate, several gentle and reassuring hand grabbed him and held him still. Arthur knelt down and suddenly appeared in his field of vision and he was wearing a slightly concerned, but ultimately comforting expression as if he was trying to calm him down. Which he was.

"Merlin, Merlin," he said as he attempted to get his servant to focus on him and not the huge body behind him, "it's okay. Everything is fine. The beast is dead, but you should try not to move."

As Merlin's heart began to settle and the delirious state in which he had woken up faded away he began to relax and recall what had happened. He could remember everything with the lion and the fight, but why did his back hurt?

"Wha-what's wrong with me?" Merlin asked, his voice a little raspy. "Did I get hurt?"

And odd look came over Arthur's face. "You don't remember?" he asked as if he couldn't quite believe it and thought his servant was playing some sort of trick on him.

Merlin shook his head and regretted it immediately at the already awful pain in his back grew with that simple movement. "No."

"Merlin you…you saved me," Arthur said as if trying to get him to remember.

Shock rippled through him. It wasn't at all that unusual that he had saved Arthur. In fact, he probably saved the prat once every week. But for Arthur to have actually known that he had been saved by his servant and acknowledge it in front of his knights—Merlin could still feel their hands steadying him and could see what he thought was Gwaine out of the corner of his eye—and then for him not to even remember doing it? Well, that didn't happen very often.

"I did?" Merlin asked, because he honestly didn't have any memory of this occurrence and he wouldn't put it past Arthur to have made it all up as some sort of joke.

But instead of bursting out laughing and saying that he had fooled him, Arthur just nodded his head and smiled a little at his servant's disbelief.

Gwaine, for it was Gwaine on the outskirts of his vision, bent down and made eye contact with Merlin. "Yeah, mate. I don't know why you did it, but you ran straight in front of Princess here," he said, pointing to Arthur who was scowling at the return of the old nickname, "and instead of getting Arthur the monster lunged at you." Gwaine grimaced, but continued. "We heard you scream. You have five, rather deep claw marks down your back."

Merlin could remember some of it now. He remembered running towards Arthur, though he had no recollection of actually reaching him. He remembered hearing an awful scream and now from what Gwaine had said it must've been his. Of course, what Gwaine didn't know and really none of them knew was that the pain in his scream had only partially been from the claws. Having his magic rip from him like that had been excruciating.

Merlin swallowed thickly at the memory of the pain. A little voice in the back of his head told him to just shrug it off. _You've had worse._

Merlin turned his attention back to Gwaine. "What happened to it, then? How did the lion die?" he asked.

"Actually," Gwaine said, nodding towards the dead creature, "it died mere moments after hurting you. It seems that Percival's sword found a tender spot and the thing was dead before it had a chance to hurt anyone else."

"The strange thing is," Percival said somewhere behind him—Merlin felt rude for not turning to look at him, but he knew that if he did the horrible pain in his back would become nearly unbearable—"that I'm almost positive that I saw my sword miss when I threw it." Suddenly Merlin was very glad that Percival couldn't see his face. He knew what must've happened and as he extended his mind toward the dead monster his suspicions were confirmed. He could still feel traces of his magic lingering on the sword that was buried deep in the lion's flesh. Merlin could remember his magic fleeing him, though he wasn't exactly sure what he had told it to do. All he knew was that it desired nothing more than to protect Arthur, which it evidently had.

"But my head did get hit pretty hard," Percival continued, "I must have been wrong." Despite his words, Merlin got the impression that he didn't believe that he had killed the lion one bit. A familiar feeling of dread pooled in his gut. But Merlin ignored it as he always did.

By now Merlin was tired of staying still. Pain or no pain, he wasn't used to being this inactive when he didn't have either a life-threatening condition or sleeping. And it was making him really uncomfortable to be the center of attention, especially so soon after using magic that at least one person had nearly noticed. Gritting his teeth in preparation for the pain that he knew was to come, Merlin attempted to push himself off the ground and get his legs beneath him.

Instantly, pain flared like the raging fire of an angry dragon and protests and gently restraining hands surrounded him.

"What do you think you are doing?" Arthur asked incredulously.

"I thought it was obvious," Merlin said, trying not to snap but having difficulty due to the agony streaked across his back in five, burning lines.

"So you were trying to reopen the wounds on your back," Arthur said with anger and frustration in his tone.

"No," Merlin replied, this time in better control of the pain, "I was trying to get up. I don't know about you, but I'd rather leave this place so we don't have to keep looking at that," he pointed to the large, dead body not ten feet away. "Also, the longer we stay the greater the chance he have of running into another one of those things, and frankly, Arthur, I'm not going to be rushing to take anymore claws meant for you anytime soon."

"You shouldn't have had to take the first ones," Gwaine grumbled, but before anyone could reply his tone brightened a bit and said, "You're probably right. Staying here any longer isn't going to do us any good. But Merlin, at least let us help you up. Those wounds are deep and we think they might be getting infected. We did our best cleaning them, but who knows where those claws have been."

Merlin nodded in agreement because he really didn't think the knights would give him a choice. They'd help him up whether he wanted them to or not.

Within seconds he felt helping hands grab his arms and very gently support his lower back where the cuts didn't reach and then pull him up. But try as he might, Merlin couldn't avoid the gasp of pain that pushed past his lips. And it wasn't just pain, the moment he was upright once more dizziness washed over him and he felt faint. Images of all the times he had been hurt and had been able to perfectly hide it flashed in his mind and suddenly Merlin realized that something was wrong. Those simple cuts, painful though they were, shouldn't have caused the panic and fear he had experienced upon waking, and they certainly shouldn't be able to get past his guards. Since before he'd even reached double digits Merlin had been perfecting the art of hiding pain completely so not even his own mother would know when he was suffering. So why couldn't he endure this in silence?

With some effort Merlin pushed past the fog that he hadn't realized had been clouded his brain and sent his magic to inspect his wounds. And though it was faint, Merlin found definite traces of a magical poison. But before Merlin even had a chance to panic his magic also reported to him that the poison was weak and could probably kill only the smallest of animals. At best it could make him a little sick for a short time and hinder his abilities to cover up pain.

Merlin relaxed for a brief moment, but then a thought struck his brain. Eylan had been injured by those claws, too. Where was he? Was he all right? Was he poisoned, too, and if so could it actually hurt him because he didn't have magic to protect him?

"Wait," Merlin said, concern and worry bubbling up inside him. "What about Elyan? I saw him get hurt." To Merlin's annoyance, both Arthur and Gwaine chuckled slightly and gave each other and the men behind him a knowing look. "What is it?" Merlin asked indignantly. He still had shaking control of his body, his pain, his emotions, his thoughts and basically everything else so he really wasn't in the mood to hear his _friends_ chuckle knowingly. It was annoying at the best of times.

"Merlin," Arthur said, humor evident in his tone and on his face, "look behind you."

Merlin didn't have a chance to feel more than a second of confusion before Arthur and Gwaine took hold of his shoulders and carefully helped him turn around. Now standing in front of him was Percival and Leon—the two people he had expected to see—and Elyan, smiling and looking plenty healthy.

Embarrassment washed through Merlin. He probably should have guessed that Elyan was behind him just like the others, the only reason he hadn't was the nagging memory in the back of his mind—the memory of seeing Elyan get injured and then fall to the ground and then fail to get up.

"But," Merlin said, "but I saw you get hurt. Your wound has to be at least as bad as mine."

Elyan frowned. "No, actually. I remember feeling the claws dig into me and I'd thought it was pretty deep, but when I woke up—I must have passed out like you did—the marks were fairly superficial."Elyan then pulled aside the cloth of his shirt to reveal a white bandage that Merlin was sure his own back also possessed. But as Merlin peered closely at the bandages he could tell from all his years studying under Gaius that they were there more to keep dirt out than to keep blood in. And this conclusion was supported by the fact that not a single spot of blood stained the white of the cloth.

Curious about something, Merlin once again let his magic roam outwards and he was surprised not to find so much as a drop of the poison in Elyan's body. And he was even more shocked to feel the all too recognizable remnants of his own magic.

"It's so odd, though," Elyan continued, puzzlement in his voice, "I could have sworn that those blasted claws had gone in deep. I've had bad wounds before and this felt like one of them." He looked down at the bandages and then looked back up with a slightly sheepish smile on his face and shrugged. "I guess I was wrong."

"Yes," Leon said, "we were all pretty lucky." He gestured towards the carcass. "This thing, however it came to be, could have easily killed us. I think we were victorious simply through numbers. If even a few of us had stayed home today it is likely that the rest would have perished." Then Leon smiled. "Still, we are very fortunate. Even Percival managed to escape getting a concussion and the rest of us are only bruised." Leon put a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "You're the only one who got seriously hurt."

Merlin grimaced. "Lucky me." While a few of the other knights laughed Leon didn't and Merlin couldn't help but notice the sincere and grateful look in the soldier's eyes. Out of all the knights, Leon was the most concerned with Arthur's well-being and considered it his personal job to look after him. Merlin and Leon were two very different people, but in that respect they were alike and they understood each other.

Leon was probably the only person unaware of his magic that truly knew of Merlin's desire and drive to protect Arthur at any cost. Sure, the other knights and Gwen and even some servants knew that he had _occasionally _saved Arthur's life and that he was more than willing to do whatever it took to do so again, but only Leon knew how seriously Merlin took his job. And though, in the beginning, Leon had informed him more than once that he was only a servant and it wasn't his duty to protect anyone, the knight now understood and was okay with it all. Leon had come to realize that nothing would stop Merlin from making it his responsibility to protect Arthur. About time someone got that through their head.

"Anyway," said Gwaine, breaking Merlin out of his train of thought, "didn't I hear somebody say something about going home for some ale?"

Arthur scowled, but Merlin could see it was fake. "No, Gwaine, we're not going home for _ale_, because the rest of us actually respect ourselves and make a point about not being constantly drunk. However, I do have a wife that I haven't seen in far too long—"

"It's only been five hours," Gwaine cut in.

"Precisely," Arthur continued, "that's five hours too many. Besides, the longer we wait the angrier Gaius is going to be at us for bringing Merlin home like this, so we'd better get it over with." Though Arthur was good at hiding it, Merlin could hear the slightest sliver of concern in his voice. "Come on, Merlin," Arthur said as he gently began to steer him towards the horses. "The ride home is probably going to hurt, but it's best we just get it over with."

Merlin couldn't help but balk a little bit at that thought. Over an hour of riding that would constantly jostle and aggravate the wounds on his back. This wasn't going to be very fun. He'd give just about anything right now to be bored to tears, but free of physical pain.

* * *

><p>Merlin had tears of pain in his eyes by the time the finally and mercifully, reached the castle. The ride had been absolutely miserable. At the best of times, the constant aggravation of his wounds would have been hard to endure, but with this poison still circling in his system and making it hard to focus on anything, let alone holding pain in, it had been near impossible. He knew for certain that the cuts were bleeding again and had been for most of the trip, and, doubtless, the blood loss was only making his dizziness worse.<p>

Before he knew what had happened, the knights had gently but swiftly, ushered him to Gaius' chambers. Upon entering the room, Merlin saw immediately that Gaius wasn't there and let out a small sigh of relief. Sure, he was anxious to get his wounds properly taken care of, but Gaius had told him just this morning to be careful and not to do anything reckless. Merlin wasn't exactly looking forward to the old, but surprisingly still scary, physician's anger.

Of course, Merlin understood why Gaius got angry. Merlin couldn't imagine anything worse than staying at home every day and praying anxiously that someone he cared about would be all right. Gaius never had the option of helping out and riding into battle to protect the ones he loved. No, all Gaius could do was attempt to fix up the ones he cared for when they inevitably got hurt. Merlin couldn't stand the idea of living like that.

Just then, Gaius, followed by Gwaine who must have fetched him, burst into the room and Merlin saw his eyes alight on him immediately, his face a mixture of concern, anger, and resigned exhaustion. Exactly what Merlin had expected to see. Leon, the only other person in the room, seemed to sense the old man's volatile emotions and slipped out the second Gaius' gaze left him. Gwaine was now the only thing standing between Merlin and a tirade from his guardian.

Gaius grabbed a few supplies and then made his way over to his ward. The physician put his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Merlin," he said, more of an exclamation of disappointment than anything else. The warlock in question lifted his gaze to his guardian's and guilt washed over him as he glimpsed the pain and sadness in his almost-father's eyes. Merlin knew that every injury he took, Gaius sustained as well.

But before Merlin could even get the beginning words of an apology out, Gaius went to work on his back. After forcing Merlin's shirt off him—a fairly quick, but no less agonizing process—Gaius began to inspect his wounds. Merlin clenched his teeth and tried to look anywhere but at Gwaine, who was watching him. Even the smallest touch, regardless of its proximity to the five cuts, hurt badly.

Suddenly Gaius stopped and the pain faded a little. "Gwaine," the old man said and Merlin could hear a hint of anger in his tone, "you said what caused these lacerations, but what about the bruises?"

_Bruises?_ Merlin wasn't aware he had any bruises. Then again, he got bruises so often from fighting evil and even doing his day-to-day chores that he hardly even noticed them now. Merlin turned his head to see Gaius as best he could, but couldn't prevent himself from gasping as the movement sent fire trailing down his back.

"Stay still," Gaius chided.

"What bruises?" Merlin asked and cringed at the all-too evident pain in his voice. He _really_ wanted the poison to dissipate soon, because the last thing he wanted was to make his friends worry about him more than they already were.

Gaius hardly spared a second for answering Merlin question. "They're covering your back, Merlin. It looks more like a blue and purple blanket than flesh."_Ah, _hence the uncharacteristic rage. Though Merlin had contracted far worse wounds, few things that could befall someone looked worse than heavy bruising. Bruising in its nature, Merlin personally thought, was flashier than most injuries and would, therefore, make Gaius angrier than usual. "Well?" Gaius said, speaking once again to Gwaine.

Merlin could see a hint of fear in Gwaine's expression, but mostly there was just concern and guilt. "That creature," he began, "didn't just scratch Merlin, he also crashed into him pretty hard. That…thing was a lot larger, tougher, and stronger than it should've been. I wouldn't be surprised if it was capable of causing that kind of bruising." Gwaine ducked his head for a moment in what Merlin could almost swear was shame. "I'm sorry," he lifted his head up and tears could dimly be seen in his eyes. "We should be taking better care of Merlin."

Merlin had seen Gwaine serious before, but not like this. Remorse and terror of what could have been blocked out all allusion of humor or joy. Warmth flooded through Merlin as he realized that Gwaine truly had been worried that he wouldn't make it. It had been a long time since he had felt that kind of affection from his friends.

Gwaine ducked his head once again, saying, "I have some duties I need to attend to. Heal quickly, Merlin." And with that, the usually cheerful knight left.

"Don't be mad at Gwaine, Gaius," Merlin said, trying to turn his head to look at the old man, but unable to because of the firm hand on the back of his neck.

"Stop moving," Gaius said, frustrated, "you'll only cause yourself more pain."

Merlin didn't care and instead of just turning his head, his twisted his body so that he mostly faced his guardian. Pain screeched down his back, but he didn't and he distantly realized that the poison must be nearly out of his system if he was able to ignore it now. "Gaius," he said, catching the physician's gaze, "I'm the one who ran in front of that beast like an idiot. I'm hurt because I chose to save Arthur's life. It's what I have always done and it's what I will continue to do. It's no one's fault but my own."

Gaius seemed to deflate and all anger left him only to be replaced with exhaustion. "They're knights, Merlin," he said slowly, "if anyone should be able to protect you or Arthur it should be them. Instead, the one person who should never have to risk his life is forced to over and over again. You, Merlin. You have a life, too, and he can't keep sacrificing it." Gaius sighed. "When was the last time you were happy, Merlin?" he asked. "When was the last time that you thought about yourself before rushing into danger for Arthur's sake?"

Merlin looked away. They both knew the answer—not since coming to Camelot.

"I'm not saying," Gaius continued, "that you should stop protecting Arthur. I am saying that you need to be more careful, and don't just nod your head and say you will when you don't mean it. There has to be a way, Merlin, where you or the knights can keep Arthur safe without constantly putting your own life in danger. Because I will not lose you, Merlin. So if that means being harder on Gwaine so that maybe he'll think and for once actually look out for you, then so be it."

"Gaius, I—" Merlin started, but the old man wouldn't let him finish.

"A little bit deeper, Merlin, and those claws would have killed you. Who would have protected Arthur then? Think on that."

* * *

><p><em>Gaius is right<em>, Merlin thought to himself as he tried to fall asleep that night. _Things can't continue the way they have been. _

Merlin knew that every time he got wounded it was hurting Gaius. He knew that every time he put himself in harm's way for another he was hurting his friends and everyone he cared for.

And Merlin had another thing to worry about. Both Percival and Elyan had noticed his use of magic, even if they hadn't been aware of what it was. If it hadn't been for Percival hitting his head—something Merlin was also sure he had a part in healing—and Elyan getting injured, no doubt both of them would have been very suspicious. And Merlin was also lucky that no one seemed to question how he had managed to run in front of Arthur from across the clearing so quickly—a feat that had only been possible by slowing down time.

And what if those claws had dug just a little deeper? Arthur would be doomed without Merlin by his side to protect him.

In short, Merlin had been very fortunate for a lot of things could've gone wrong today.

Merlin closed his eyes and sighed, ignoring the burning and throbbing on his back. Gaius was right. Something had to change. Arthur and the knights could never learn of his magic, at least, not until Merlin actually intended to tell them. Merlin had to stop getting hurt for Gaius', Gwaine's, and Arthur's sakes. And that creature had been far too close to killing Arthur for Merlin's comfort. He needed a way that he could better guard Arthur without revealing his secret or putting himself in the line of fire.

Then, suddenly, a wonderful, terrible, brilliant idea popped into Merlin's head. It would be risky, it would be insane, but it just might be the answer he needed. He was already living a double life, why not add a third?

* * *

><p>So, I'm sure you smart people have already figured out what Merlin's idea was and where this is heading. If you haven't, just ask yourself what ridiculous sorcerer that we know would protect Arthur without asking for any reward or praise?<p>

So, a few things you guys need to know if you plan to continue reading this and caring about he plot. I am not going to be posting the next chapter in the plotline next. Because I'm treating all these one-or-such-shots as moments in a continuing story and this whole plotline is going to span over months in the story, interspersed between updates about Merlin dressing up as a sorcerer I'm going to have other stories. Basically, this is going to be like an actual TV show. Each chapter or group of chapters is an episode. But in a TV show they won't tell you the whole plot of the season in one episode, no, they will draw it out until the very end. That's what I'm going to do. I might have two updates in a row about this, then have two not about it. Or just go every other one. I'm doing this because this plotline is fairly long and absolutely crucial to something very big I have planned. So it may end up being another twenty chapters before I finish this plotline the way I intend to. I have many ideas planned and I feel like it's going to get pretty epic, so please don't get angry when I draw out the cliffhangers and keep you waiting for more information about Arthur and the mysterious sorcerer protecting him. I have some very awesome (for me, at least) things planned and if I order the chapters and storylines the way I am hoping to it's gonna be pretty freakin' cool. I hope.

So please just bear with me and continue reading because, regardless of what I'm writing about, Arthur discovering something or Merlin realizing a better way to protect his friend, I plan on making it the best it can be. Also, you may have noticed that I really didn't have Arthur observe much of anything about Merlin in this chapter, that's only because I'm setting him up for a whole lot of stuff later on. And yes, I'm hoping to give you at least some of Arthur's thoughts about Merlin getting hurt whilst saving him. We need that bromance.


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